Introduction to Babywise
Babywise was one of the first books I read when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, we weren't telling anyone that we were pregnant yet, so we stealthily snuck into the bookstore to purchase it. It's impossible to not run into someone we know at the bookstore, so we chatted with friends we ran into, pretended to be very interested in the biographies, and then snatched our copy of Babywise and darted to the checkout line. I had a number of friends who used Babywise and loved it (and an equal number who advised tossing it immediately), so I was very interested in finding out what all the fuss was about.
If you're not familiar with Babywise, here's the basic premise of their schedule. Feed your child every 2-4 hours. After feeding, keep your child awake for a while, which can vary, depending on the age of a child. A one month old will rarely be awake for an entire hour--sometimes you're just aiming for 15 minutes of awake time, especially in those early weeks. Then you may put your child down for a nap, and the cycle starts over again. But you must put your child into their bed while they are still awake. The whole goal of Babywise is for your child to be a self-soother who doesn't need any sort of sleep prop, be it a pacifier, sleeping with mom and dad, or being patted, held, or rocked to sleep. This is definitely over-simplifying it, so read the book if you really want to follow it! Tracy Hogg, in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, my other favorite scheduling book, simplifies it further. It's basically EASY: Eat, Awake, Sleep, You!
Babywise in Real Life
Unless you're really interested in scheduling, skip to the bottom of this post! Here are the nitty gritty details of establishing an infant schedule. It has taken days to put this information together, because there are so many details that seem essential to give you a complete picture of scheduling a baby.
I somewhat began applying this immediately after we came home from the hospital, but my baby was a sleeper baby. She did not want to stay awake for a feeding. I took the advice in Babywise for the first 2 weeks at home: Don't look at the clocks! Feed the baby when needed and concentrate on full feedings, even if it means repeatedly waking up the baby to finish eating. Otherwise, my child would snack all day and a schedule would be nearly impossible. During those first two weeks, we also had to troubleshoot some incredibly difficult breastfeeding issues, so that was our primary concern. We also made sure that we let her soothe herself to sleep. Damian became the master swaddler, so we would swaddle her and put her down in her bassinet, and she'd quickly go to sleep on her own. One of the basic principles of both Babywise and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is "begin as you mean to go." Don't start something at 2 weeks old that you're not willing to continue at 2 years old. A sweet, cuddly baby is very nice sleeping next to you in bed, but a kicking toddler who grabs your face probably isn't so pleasant.
Isabelle slept through the night twice during her first two weeks of life, but after that, I started setting my alarm clock so that I could wake her up for feedings. We were (rightly) concerned about weight gain issues because of the nursing problems, so we couldn't let her sleep.
After the first two weeks, we stuck closely to the Babywise plan. Babywise suggests two possible approaches. You can choose your child's wake-up time every day, so that it's always the same, or you can start the EASY cycle as soon as the baby wakes up for the day, whether that's 6:30 or 8:00. For the early days, we chose the more relaxed plan over a strict schedule. I fed her every 2-4 hours and followed the EASY plan. She didn't eat at the exact same time every day. But at three weeks, she started sleeping through the night again! And this time, since the doctor was pleased that she was gaining weight sufficiently, we followed the advice of every mom out there: Never wake a sleeping baby!
I was concerned that I wasn't on a super strict schedule yet, so when a fellow Babywise friend called to check up on us (and bring us a meal!), I asked her opinion. She said that obviously, what were doing worked. If I felt the need to adjust to a firmer schedule, then do it, but that I was still applying the principles and they were clearly working.
I decided that I wanted the comfort of a set schedule, so that I could, for example, plan to meet a friend for lunch at 11:30 next week and know that it wouldn't interfere with nursing or naptime. I looked through my records of Isabelle's nursing schedule for the past week and noticed a pattern. Yes, I'm a nerd who diligently wrote down nursing times! New moms are so sleep deprived that they often don't remember when they fed their child last. In fact, the bag the hospital gave me included a place to record nursing times and the length of time spent per side. So I looked through my records and noticed that Isabelle was eating at roughly the same times every day and was sleeping from midnight to 5 or 6 in the morning every night. It seemed we were on a schedule without realizing it, but it was an Isabelle dictated schedule. I then began following this schedule closely, because I loved the predictability of knowing when she would eat again.
At this point, having a newborn became so easy. Yes, I just said that. It was amazing how wonderful you feel when you're getting 6 hours of straight sleep, instead of being broken up in 2 hour increments throughout the night. And knowing when she would need to eat enabled me to do important things (like take a shower!) because I knew how long she would sleep. I had no fear that she would start screaming while I was in the shower because I knew her routine. I should probably mention that she remained a slow eater and a sleepy eater, so it would often take 1 - 1 1/2 hours to feed her. Can you imagine?? I became very adept at nursing and reading at the same time. It was very hard to cook dinner though, because she either needed to eat when I should've been cooking, or I would cook dinner and not eat because it was time to nurse again. Fortunately, we were blessed with meals from church, meals from other friends, and freezer meals that my mom and I had prepared ahead of time. Isabelle was 8 weeks old before I ever cooked dinner for us.
It only became easier. At 2 months, Isabelle started sleeping 8-9 hours per night. At 4 months, she slept round the clock, 12-13 hours straight. I was concerned about how this would affect my milk supply, so I did what's called a dream feed. Around 10:30-11, before I went to sleep, I would nurse her as she slept and quietly put her back in her crib. At 18 months, she still sleeps for 12 hours straight.
When she got older, we started our day at the same time every day, 7:30. If she woke up at 7, I didn't get her out of her crib until 7:30. She didn't cry, but instead would babble to herself or play with her hands and feet. Now, she plays with toys in her crib until mommy comes to get her and occasionally calls out "MommyDaddyMommyDaddy!" If I don't come, she goes back to playing.
Our Biggest Sleep Problem
I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the problems we encountered when Isabelle was tiny. Overall, Isabelle was a happy and content baby who rarely cried. Except when she had gas. We did have what would be called a colicky baby from time to time. Strangely, it would only hit about one night a week. Every other night, she was fine. Those nights were very tough, and we just had to survive with a crying baby who could not sleep, except by laying on us. So one night a week, we broke every rule of Babywise. I don't know how parents deal with that every night. We were so relieved when she finally outgrew it.
We Love It!
The bottom line is that we love Babywise. As a baby, Isabelle rarely cried. She was very content, and Babywise only enhanced that. Many people feel that scheduling a baby is terrible or awful because it's simply cruel to refuse to feed a child when he or she is hungry. I agree completely. With Babywise, I usually fed her before she had a chance to realize she was hungry. I would either feed her based on the clock or feed her based on her own cues. If I noticed she was sucking on her hands, then I checked the clock and would discover that I should've started feeding her 10 minutes ago. Relatives called her the "no cry baby," and we were repeatedly complimented on how content she was.
Another reason I love Babywise is because I nursed Isabelle. Many women, even stay-at-home moms, feel the need to stop nursing early because they feel tied down. Initially, this didn't bother me because I viewed it as a short term issue. I felt that it was worth it to be tied down and give my baby the gift of a healthy start in life. But I nursed my daughter for nearly 17 months. A week and a half after weaning her, I discovered I was pregnant again. So essentially, since early 2008 until early 2012, I will be either nursing or pregnant. Wow. Now I don't see it as a short term issue!
But what I did discover with nursing Isabelle and using Babywise is that, after 17 months of nursing, I didn't feel tied down. Once I'd spent my 6 weeks or so recovering from my c-section, I was able to go where I wanted to, when I wanted to, with or without the baby, because I knew her routine. I did Ladies Night Out with MOPS, started going to the gym when Isabelle was 10 weeks old, and went about my usual routine of Bible study, MOPS, and church during the week. Grocery shopping and running errands weren't much of an issue either. I also loved blowing a hole in the theory that only a bottle fed baby sleeps through the night early, or that you must give your child rice cereal early if you want him to sleep through the night. I didn't introduce solids until Isabelle was 6 1/2 months old.
Is Babywise for you?
Only you know the answer to that. Read it and see what you think. I love having my daughter on a schedule, but we firmly believe that we are not slaves to her schedule. We'll let her stay up late when family visits so that they can have more time with her or push her nap back to 2 so that she can go shopping with her grandmother. Babywise reiterates several times that the schedule serves you--you don't serve the schedule.
But a schedule is not for everyone. Damian and I have personalities that crave peace in our home, and we both love order. We also have lots of places that we like to go, and we knew a routine for the baby would actually give us the freedom to do the things we want to do. We believed firmly that we wanted Isabelle on a schedule, did not want her sleeping in our bed, and that we didn't want it to take 30 minutes to put the baby to bed, because these things are what's best for our family. But they're not what's best for everyone. There's a lot of freedom in the various decisions a mom must make about things like scheduling or cloth diapers, and there's not a one size fits all answer. I never want to make anyone feel guilty for doing things differently than me. Just like cloth diapering and making my own baby food do not make me a better mom than someone else, scheduling doesn't make us better parents either.
If you read Babywise and feel that it's too strict for you, check out Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It's a much gentler approach to scheduling, and suited the nurturing side of my personality much better. After reading the Baby Whisperer, I felt it was OK to rock my daughter at bedtime. It's a part of our bedtime routine. I sing three songs to her while rocking and then put her to bed completely awake. She does the rest. When people read Babywise, sometimes they feel that it's never OK to rock your baby, which is a shame. I love snuggling with my baby girl in the glider at bedtime, but it's not necessary for her to go to sleep.
The principles given in Babywise helped us get off to a smooth start and prevented me from being as frazzled and sleep-deprived as I could've been. I look foreward to applying these ideas with Baby #2, but I also know that I can't expect the same results. Few children sleep through the night at 3 weeks. But most sleep through the night at 8-13 weeks if they're on a schedule, so at least I know that at some point, sleep will come for both of us.
Did you love or hate Babywise? I'd love to hear your experiences, positive or negative, or answer any questions you have about scheduling.
I had never heard of Babywise until reading your blog. I then researched to see that there is a whole slew of "Wise" books... Toddlerwise, Childwise, etc. etc. I have since bought Childwise to read and am anxious to see what it can teach me!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were interested in the series. One of the sweet ladies at church bought several of them for me as a baby gift, knowing how much I love to read about parenting. I've found the books to be helpful, some more than others. I mainly just like the attitude that we don't have to just let our little ones BE...we train them to behave well or poorly, depending on how we respond to them. I haven't read Childwise yet, but I hope you find it helpful!
ReplyDeleteHI! I just stumbled across your blog while googling Babywise scheduling for an infant. I don't have the book in front of me since I first rented it at the library and now am needing some help!!
ReplyDeleteI remembered that Babywise recommended just focusing on "complete feedings" the first week or so and so we did that. Our girl is now about 10 days old and would probably sleep all day (in my arms!) if we let her. But we have found that unfortunately her only "awake" time is between 10 and 2 at night and it is SO difficult to put her to bed. She tends to fall asleep after feedings too and so I have a hard time with implementing the "awake" time.
Do you have any advice on how to start scheduling naps/bedtime for a newborn who sleeps most of the time (but doesn't enjoy the crib?). I would love your help (from a fellow MOPS mommy :-0 ).
Please email me at amyla27@gmail.com if you have a chance!
Thanks,
Amy
I know this post is a year old, just wanted to say we love Baby Wise too! We were given the complete set of books upon the birth of our second, and taking care of her has been a dream compared to my first (who I didn't really receive any advice for). I'm gonna crack open their potty training book pretty soon for my eldest!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for this blog. It is full of very helpful information :)
ReplyDeleteFirst off I am astonished that anyone would even consider this. it is abusive and more likely to create angry, distant, emotionally and psychologically disturbed human beings. Not to mention that an infant NEEDS to eat frequently especially a breasted infant if they are not their blood sugar drops drastically (which would be the reason they sleep longer, not because they are trained to but because they are weak). These children are more likely to be rebellious as they will seek out attention if they survive this practice. There are detailed reports of infants whose parents implemented this who died from failure to thrive and severe dehydration.
ReplyDeleteI am a BIG fan of Baby wise and currently have a 5 year old boy who is very healthy, rarely gets sick and has always been in the 50-65 percentile at the Dr.s office. He loves sleeping in his own bed and has never shown any signs of rebellious behavior. I do have a degree from SFASU in Psychology, specializing in child psychology.
DeleteAs with any schedule or training you must be able to use common sense. Clearly the parents you speak of did not have any and i have a feeling that any schedule used would have ended in disaster.
I would love to have a great dialogue with you about Babywise, but you have commented anonymously, so that isn't an option.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing abusive about Babywise. The children who died from failure to thrive were dehydrated because their parents clearly did not feed them often enough. As I pointed out in the post (which, based on your comment, I'm really not sure that you read), if you child is hungry, please feed it, regardless of the "schedule!"
I have breastfed both of my children with much success on Babywise. When they need to nurse around the clock in those early days, then that's exactly what we do. I'm not sure what you're basing your comments about these Babywise children being more rebellious, but I can tell you that it's unfounded. It's a shame that you can't acknowledge that there is more than one way to care for babies and that your way may not be what's best for everyone.
My best friend recommended Babywise to me when I was pregnant. It was the first baby book I read. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought the method to be negative. It shocks me to read peoples negative outlook on such a simple harmless way to get your baby sleeping through the night. My daughter is 4 months old, I've implemented the Babywise approach since she was a couple weeks old. I too found that I needed to write down when she ate, and how many ounces because mama brain drain is very real! My daughter thrives as a happy, healthy, content baby who has slept through the night since she was about 8 weeks old. We adjust how much she eats and when she eats first and foremost to make sure she is never hungry. But it is also extremely nice to know that she eats at basically the same time every day, this makes it easier to schedule lunch dates etc. We have NEVER made Cassidy wait until her next scheduled feeding, letting her cry it out. The great thing about Babywise is that she isn't hungry until its feeding time. As adults, we eat at about the same time for breakfast, lunch and dinner, our parents ingrained that into us, as did their parents etc.
ReplyDeleteloved this post, and it answered so many questions for a new mother... Know this post is extremely old, but still very useful and had to say thanks for posting this.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be rude, but I am so laughing at that post about this method being abusive! I've never read Babywise, but we do pretty much what you described here, and our baby is the happiest, healthiest little thing you've ever seen. He sleeps 10 hours a night and is 97% percentile for height, 55th for weight. He's obviously got no blood sugar or dehydration issues!He also an early bloomer for milestones, and he got his first two teeth at 4 months. CLEARLY this schedule is ruining his life ;)
ReplyDeleteI just find it funny when people are so rude and abusive about this subject of baby wise. I had twins that I put on this schedule, and they are now 2+ years old. They are exceptionally healthy emotionally and physically. They were always in the 50th percentile of height and weight, so there was never an issue of not eating enough. The one great thing about this whole thing, is it bring consistency to everyone in our large family life. The babies are happy (literally), the family is at ease, the day is predictable, and this whole thing feeds nothing but harmony. Who can say Harmony is a bad thing. My children are well adjusted, polite, kind, sweet, happy, and I would say less than 5% of the time they have occasional breakdowns.. You know why, because they have enough sleep, and who wouldn't be happy and healthy on enough sleep. Now they sleep from 7pm to 9am and have been on this for at least 6 months. 14 hours!
ReplyDeletein the past few days i have been following a 2.5 to 3 hr schedule depending on baby (4wks) which was advised by my MIL. After doing some research about scheduling like this I came to find this as being the babywise type method, I am all for predictability and being able to plan my life which the scheduling allows.
ReplyDeletewould like to make a polite comment to the person who feels this is abusive and mentioned the children dying, failure to thrive dehydrating etc, physicians say as long as baby getting enough cals during day, they are able to sleep those longer stretches, as a \registered nurse would like to point out also there should be many signs a good parent would pick up on before your baby EVER gets to the point of dehydrating or on a drastic end dying. Your baby gaining weight would be a good indication they are thriving.
also this type of scheduling use to be the normal, doctors and nurses guided parents in doing this it has not always been an attachment type parenting view that is very present today and many many children are good ppl today because of this type method,
just wanted to throw that out there, im still for this method and trying to get the hang of it with my baby, : ) i think it will be good for him and our family as a whole
have everyone has a great day
How do you know if your baby has completed a feeding?
ReplyDeleteGREAT question! The baby's behavior dictates it. Often he seems happy, satisfied, and simply stops nursing. In those early newborn days, he falls asleep eating too, although as they get bigger, I prefer not to nurse them to sleep.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you can also listen to the sounds he makes while nursing. The beginning of the feeding starts off with lots of sucking to bring about your letdown of milk. Eventually, he falls into a steady suck, swallow, suck, swallow routine that lets you know he's getting tons of milk to swallow. As the feeding progresses, it becomes suck, suck, swallow, or even more sucking and less swallowing. That's how you know that you're "empty" (although please know that a nursing mom is never truly empty!). I learned to listen to these sounds with my daughter, who would've stayed attached forever if I let her. With my second child, however, I just followed his cues. He nursed til he was done on one side, ate from the second if he desired, and was finished eating.
Don't worry about the post about failure to thrive. The poster is probably angry from lack of sleep because the poster's child is probably not sleeping through the night.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this extensive report on Babywise! I was somewhat confused with the controversy. Thank you for bringing light to the subject!
ReplyDeleteI love babywise! The hope it gave me when I found out I was pregnant is what made me read it over and over. I saw my sister just exhausted all the time, never getting sleep because she had to get up 4-5 times a night with her 1 year old! Can you imagine?! So I promised myself and my hubby that that wouldn't happen to us! Our son is one month old and doing pretty well. I am doing everything the book says but my son is having a hard time getting with the schedule. He fights his naps all the way! I know he is tired when I put him down but after 15 or 20 minutes of crying, he's too overtired by then to sleep. So I rock him until his next feeding. But because he skipped his nap, he falls asleep right after he eats and I can't keep him awake. So what do I do about these missed naps? The book suggested to shorten his waketime so I did that but even still, he often will miss one or two naps a day. And this also disrupts his nighttime sleep. What can you suggest?
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I know you'll think this is so anti-Babywise, but my honest opinion as now a mom of 3 is that he'll outgrow it! At a month, there's no real routine or schedule. Babies are pretty fickle and will fall asleep anywhere, anytime, which is why I LOVE this stage. And one of my kids even went through a stage where he would only sleep while being held...he did that for a week! But he outgrew it. Focus on enjoying this time. Put him to sleep awake when you can, in his bed, when you can, and do your best to aim for full feedings, but beyond that, just give it time. He'll organize his own schedule soon.
ReplyDeleteI am totally confused on Babywise. I just had my first baby almost 7 weeks ago, and I have decided to start him on the "method" from week 2, as the book said. I don't think it was wise, but the book gave those instructions. Like you, I love an organized lifestyle, but this was not exactly a good approach. Now that he's almost 2 months I have a routine where I nurse him, then he's awake until he starts yawning, then I walk and rock him to sleep. During the day he's really good, takes good, long naps and is sort-of predictable, but around 6 PM is when his fussy time starts, and there's very little I can do. As far as crying himself to sleep: I'm amazed that your daughter did it from day 2??? I wonder if it is realistic. My other question is how long should I let my baby cry. I mean, if he cries for 30-40 minutes in a row and doesn't seem to calm down (immediately after I nursed and changed him) are there any "troubleshooting tips" that the method may give? What I do is I let him cry for 10-15 min, then pick him up and walk him to sleep. It doesn't happen from the first time. Now, that's been our evening routine and I wonder if everyone that commented started using babywise at 2 weeks. I also wonder if there's a difference between boys and girls learning to "cry it out" and put themselves to sleep. I remember in the book all the examples were girls, and you had a girl... What about boys? Are they different? Anyway, I'm one of those that may think this book to be controversial, at least I haven't seen much sleeping habit development yet... By the way, evenings seem quite hard for us anyway. We can't go to evening Bible studies because he is awake when he's supposed to sleep and then it takes him literally HOURS to wind down. So, I guess I'd really love some input from experienced moms out there. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteElena, thanks so much for your comment and thoughts. My thoughts have really changed about Babywise now that I've had 3 kids. I really need to do an updated post. First, I don't think I would've started so young. In fact, I even think 7 weeks is a bit young, and definitely young for crying it out. If he cries in the evening, I would just nurse him and do whatever it takes to get him happy. If he's not hungry and doesn't have a dirty diaper, consider that he could overstimulated and super tired, so just do what it takes to get him to sleep. He could also have gas or reflux issues, so try to make him comfortable. Many babies just have a cranky time in the evening, and that's OK. I just do whatever it takes to make baby (and mommy!) happy. You're doing well to start the eat, awake, sleep cycle now, because I find it's often hard to start at this age...they seem to fall asleep all the time! Always err on the side of comforting and feeding at this age. There will be plenty of time for sleep training later. Pssst: My 5 month old is still not on a hard and fast schedule, and he's not sleeping all night either. But he's the happiest little boy, so that's fine with me.
ReplyDeleteI started babywise when my son was one month old. By 6 weeks he started sleeping 5 - 6 hours at night and now at 9 weeks he sleeps about 8 hours at night. He's in the 95th percentile for weight and height and he is one of the most content babies I've ever seen. The key to babywise is knowing your child's cues and having discernment. It's not a strict schedule. It's being WISE about your baby and following a routine that lends itself to a schedule. My son does not eat at the same exact times every day, but they do end up being within 30 minutes, which makes it easier to plan your day. Babywise is not dangerous. Taking it out of context, is.
ReplyDeleteI haven't read the book, but have just started looking into the Babywise training as a way to get my twin boys on the same schedule, not necessarily to get them to sleep through the night quite yet. They are almost three months old and still wake up two to three times a night, sometimes at different times than each other, which equals zero sleep for mom. So that's why getting them on the same eating/waking/sleeping cycle in itself would do wonders.
ReplyDeleteIn light of my recent curiosity and research into the Babywise method, I started keeping them awake for about a half-hour or so after each feeding before putting them down for a nap, but have only done this for a few days. So far, it seems to be doing a great job of getting them to sleep at the same time.
I just have one question, which I'm sure the book would answer, but I'm not positive I want to use this method to induce full night-time sleeping. Is the eat-wake/play-sleep routine in the daytime what ultimately gets them to sleep longer stretches at night? Is it the following a schedule to the T, allowing them to cry when in their crib to fit their feeding or sleeping time?
Yep, Sam, the eat, wake, sleep cycle is what helps them sleep well at night. Following a schedule precisely is, in my opinion, really not necessarily unless you find it helpful. And you don't have to let them cry it out either, unless that's the only way you can get them to sleep well and you're OK with that.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but anyone that suggests you let a 6 week old cry for 45 minutes is an asshole.
ReplyDeleteI am a first-time mom and started Babywise with my 8-week-old one week ago today. I was very skeptical that the method would be successful, but I was returning to work and needed to get more than 1 or 2 hours a night of sleep. My husband was far better and establishing a schedule with our daughter than I was. She seems to nurse to sleep, but will stay awake after a feeding of breastmilk from a bottle much more easily. She had slept 2 to 3 hours at a time with sporadic periods of longer sleep before Babywise.
ReplyDeleteOur first night using Babywise methods, she slept five hours. Since then, she has slept in increasing amounts and is now sleeping about eight hours at night.
I started Babywise later than suggested, but I'm glad I did. She is big enough now to fill her stomach more fully. I have had time to learn her cues from demand feeding. And we were able to work past some gas issues that were destroying her sleep (with much thanks to Biogaia Probiotic Drops).
We started with portions at a time. We first mastered getting her on a schedule. That was easier than we thought it would be, probably because she was already 8 weeks old. We use an iPhone app (iBabyLog) to track her eating, diapers, etc., so that we don't have to guess. It has been a godsend.
Next, we focused on awake time after eating. That was more difficult, but, again, I believe this was much easier at 8 weeks than it would have been before. She simply needed more sleep and took a long time to eat, so there was no use in attempting to keep her awake.
Finally, we've started putting her down awake. Now that she is used to falling asleep at the same time every night, putting her down awake is far easier. She does not fight sleep because she knows it's time, and she's had her bedtime routine.
We also do not let her cry it out. We do, however, let her fuss. Once she begins to cry, she is unlikely to fall asleep except from sheer exhaustion. But if she fusses, she will calm down on her own quite easily.
This method may not be for everyone. But for our family, it has helped make everyone happier and healthier. We were to the point of taking "awake" shifts, from midnight to four and from four to eight. It worked for what it was, but it was in no way sustainable. Now, my husband and I are able to sleep through the night, I am actually productive in the office, and our little two-month-old girl is the happiest, healthiest 24-inch, 14-pound there could be.
I don't follow Babywise to a tee, and I'm not advising anyone else to either. But the basic principles have helped guide our family to a better way of living. At least for now!
Gabrielle, on January 15th, you indicated that your "thoughts have really changed about Babywise now that [you] have had 3 kids". Just wondering how your views have changed. I am a new mother and have been following the philosophy since the birth of my son who is now 10 weeks old. The book was recommended to us by my OBGYN whose wife followed the plan for both of their children. I've read the book and have taken note of the criticism it's received, the controversy and perhaps the misinterpretation. My thoughts are that there are several theories out there on parenting and all are open to criticism. At this point, the philosophy of getting your baby on a routine has proven to be successful for us as a whole. But we are in the early stages, so again, I'm curious to know how your thoughts have changes and would appreciated your feedback.
ReplyDeleteGreat question, Rajni! Thanks for commenting. I think routine is a wonderful thing, and we always have a routine of some sort going on here. But at the same time, sometimes we can stress over having a hard and fast schedule when a young baby really just needs some snuggles and love. There's a wide range of what's normal with newborns and with all babies, and there's also a big difference in what works with one baby versus another. I would encourage you to look at my recent Babywise series to get an idea of how we still use some of the ideas in Babywise but throw out what doesn't work for us. Here's one post to get you started: http://www.mamagab.net/2013/02/confessions-of-former-babywise-loving.html I would love to hear your thoughts via email as well. Gabby(at)Mamagab(dot)net
DeleteMy 20-day old baby boy rarely sleeps without having to be nursed to drowsy or nursed to sleep. He roots all the time after being awake for a while. What should I do? I want to start the feed-wake-sleep cycle but it's not coming along for us. Help pls!
ReplyDeleteHi Joy!! Thanks for commenting. At 20 days, I would feed anytime your baby wants to. He needs all the milk he can get and he'll probably even need to "comfort nurse" at times, and that's really OK! I no longer worry about doing the Eat, Awake, Sleep cycle at such a young age. It'll come later...much later.
DeleteI don't know why I even read this post! It made my blood pressure rise!! I have a Babywise!!! Back in the 90s this philosophy was pushed and pushed on me as "the only way to raise a self-controlled, godly child." Finally, I succumbed and tried it. It took all of my JOY and naturalness and spontaneity out of mothering! Instead of following my mothering instincts, I had to follow the book and see what I was supposed to do with my baby next! I had to do unnatural things like wake my baby when he fell asleep at the breast before laying him down to sleep! I felt guilty for rocking or nursing him to sleep -- habits I loved and enjoyed (when I was able to do them). My husband was working two jobs at the time, and Begged me to get the baby at night and nurse him so he could get some sleep, but I was tied to the stupid book! I told my husband I couldn't nurse the baby then because Mr. Ezzo said not to!!! (Can you believe it??)
ReplyDeleteFinally, I came to my senses and listened to and obeyed my own husband, instead of some self-proclaimed parenting expert (with only two children) and did what worked for our family! Instead of centering our whole day and schedule around the baby's contrived schedule (which is required to follow this plan), I just tucked the baby into our schedule and relaxed and enjoyed mothering again! Believe me, we were ALL much happier when I ditched the book!
Also, my milk supply came back. I only know a handfull of moms who were able to nurse more than about 4 months following the Ezzo's plan. In the late 90's the news reported many babies with Failure to Thrive who were strict Babywise followers! Mothers Beware! Mr. Ezzo's plan is not designed for breastfeeding success!
My advice to mothers is to use common sense, take cues from your baby, your body, and the Bible (which has much wisdom on mothering and nursing) and listen to your heart and to your husband!! Don't obey someone else's husband and let him rob you of your mothering joy and your milk supply!
Note: I'm sorry for having to disagree with your post, but as an older woman, I must speak up and encourage and instruct and teach the younger women who may read this post!