I'm working on being a better listener, and motherhood has forced me to listen far better than I've ever had to listen before. Listening is understanding, applying wisdom and past experiences to get to the bottom of the issue.
When I'm listening to my baby's screeches, the same ones that you think are cute and happy, I know that he's telling me he's done. Get me out of the high chair. I want a nap!
I have to really listen closely to my two year old, who has only started talking lately. For a long time, I was the only one who could really understand him, but now our 4 year old is the one who is fluent in Andrew-speak. She sometimes has to interpret for me.
With Izzy, my four year old, I listen for tone. I feel like I'm constantly telling her to speak kindly and lovingly to her brother. Sometimes, tone matters more than words.
And I listen by looking at her too. Her body language.
I was listening with my eyes the first time she experienced a mean girl.
I'd hoped she would be 8 or 10 or 12 before she experienced one, but nope, she was only four. I could tell by her expression, by her body language, that this little girl's words had completely crushed her.
Words that shouldn't matter really do. One little girl's I don't want to be your friend anymore is devastating.
My mommy claws wanted to come out.
But as we talked about it that day, and for weeks after, as more and more of her little four year old heart came pouring out, I knew mommy claws were never appropriate.
Grace. Learning to forgive. That's what was appropriate.
And on that day, I sighed, hugged her, and walked her through the early steps of forgiveness, of being Christ to this other little girl who doesn't know Him, whose family doesn't know Him. But they know Izzy. And she knows Christ. I pray that she can listen to Him.
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This is wonderful. I love it. Sometimes we listen with much more than just our ears. Thank you for that reminder.
ReplyDelete:) My daughter has been the "mean girl" now, and is not just the victim... talk about wanting to keep your claws in! You think you feel hurt and angry for your child when they are the victim, it's actually worse when they are the mean girl. Hard stuff. But you really have to listen to figure out why they would say or do that. :) First time visitor from FMF. Hope you can come by and visit me! www.onepartjoyonepartcircus.com
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to the listening with eyes and for tone and body language and having "interpreters" for the younger kids ;) The mean girl thing...it's so tough to protect our daughters from and so important to teach them how to respond. My oldest daughter experienced a really rough situation with some neighborhood girls that I was amazed she forgave them for (on of the girls moms was so mad that she, who had a bad fever, walked her daughter to our house and made her apologize to my daughter and to me...her older brother had ratted her out).
ReplyDeleteLove the post. I also love the idea of 5 minute Friday.
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