When Toddlers are Late Walkers: Why I Don't Worry

My toddler is not toddling.  Alexandre is 14 months and he's still not walking.  And guess what?  I'm not worried.  I gave that up a long time ago.  Here's why.

This is not new to me.

All 3 of my children have been late walkers, so I've learned that it's not worth worrying about.  My first baby walked at 16 1/2 months, while my second started at 14 months.  My third baby took his first steps recently, at 14 months, but he's still not walking yet.

I'm over "mommy guilt."

Guess what?  You can do everything "right" and "by the book" (which book??) and your child still may follow their own time table when it comes to developmental skills.  I was super cautious with my first baby, not wanting her to be delayed in any way, so I didn't put her in an exersaucer very often, or a swing, a jumper, or any other device.  I gave her plenty of floor time and plenty of tummy time.  And you know what?  She walked when she was ready to walk--at 16 1/2 months.  And at that same age, she had a very large vocabulary compared to other babies her age.

Three children has been wonderful for me because I've learned that I can't do everything perfectly.  I can't possibly meet everyone's needs all the time.  And that's OK.  I've learned to figure out what works for my family, trust in God's wisdom for the decisions that have to be made, and then find peace in that.  I'm confident that my choices are the best for our family, even if other families may do it better.  And with that confidence, I can let go of any and all mommy guilt that may follow.

Early walking is not an indication of intelligence.

And late walking is not an indication of a lack of intelligence.  

At 16 months, I was wondering what in the world is wrong with my baby?  Why is she not walking yet?  Is she not as smart as the other babies her age?  Her vocabulary was rapidly expanding, yet I was concerned about her intelligence!  She would spend an hour just poring over her little lift-the-flap books and her touchy-feely board books, but she couldn't walk yet.  She went on to be a fabulous talker and started reading at a very early age, so we had no reason to worry about her intelligence.  It was a waste of time and brain cells.

Still, I fretted.  I remember asking my mother "Is there something wrong with her, and if there were, would you even tell me??"  Just a few days later, my laid back pediatrician was assuring me that my child was fine.  She was progressing and would walk when she was ready.  Two weeks later, she did.

I'll worry when my pediatrician is worried.

And until then, I'll just continue to enjoy my kiddos.  I hear that they start getting concerned if your child isn't walking around the 18 month mark.  I've also read that they worry when your child is performing gross motor skills asymmetrically, such as dragging one leg while crawling.  Evidently it's a sign of cerebral palsy.  But we've never gotten there.

It's not worth the emotional energy.

What's the point of worrying about our kids being at the late of end of the normal range?  It accomplishes nothing.  "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?" - Matthew 6:27, NASB 

Even if something is wrong with my child, worrying about it ahead of time still isn't going to prevent that.  It's an area where we have to trust God and have peace.  

Yet I'm not alone in this.  I've talked to so many other first time moms who were so worried when their little ones were late at walking, talking, potty training, or a host of other developmental milestones.  And like my first baby, they all turned out perfectly fine.  

If I could go back 5 years and tell my first-time mommy self anything in the world, it would be that babies are all different.  

Being at the late range or the small range of what's normal is completely acceptable.  For averages and statistics to work out, someone has to be the late one and someone has to be the early one.  Some babies have to be the big babies and others have to be the small babies.  Comparing our babies to other babies or even to their siblings is a great way to stop enjoying them.  It all evens out eventually, and when they're all leaving home for college, I'm pretty sure we won't even remember which one walked first, read first, or potty trained first.  

Do you find yourself comparing your children to other people's children or even to each other?  What are some areas where you find yourself falling into the comparison trap?   

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