Reflecting on 2011

I was talking with my checkout lady at the grocery store last night about the New Year.  We both agreed that 2012 will probably be pretty good, because it sure can't get much worse than 2011.  But then I told her about God's faithfulness this year.  It was an incredibly hard year, with health crises for many close members of our family and we nearly lost our son when he was 6 weeks old. 

But our God is a God who saves. 

And heals. 

And carries us when we have no strength. 

In 2011, God has shown me how richly blessed I am to go through such tough trials.  In response to the story of our son's life-saving lung surgery, I often hear people say how blessed they are to have such healthy children.  And then I think of the strength He provided during the two weeks when Damian and I lived at a children's hospital in Dallas.  And the way I completely fell apart in the months after we got home.  And during that time of brokenness, battling with fear and overwhelming emotions, God gave me peace that is completely indescribable. 

He showed me the amazing truth in His word, and I got to live it out on a daily basis, practicing living out my faith.  I had to practice taking my thoughts captive and letting God's truth reign in my heart instead of the fear that wanted to consume me.  If others are blessed to have perfectly healthy children, I think I can say that I am blessed that my son nearly died.   

When I got home from the grocery store last night, my husband had added a Rich Mullins cd to my ipod, so the kids and I listened to it while I did some cleaning.  I just about fell apart when I heard one of my favorite old songs. 

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach

Oh God, you are my God.
And I will ever praise you.
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days   

I picked up my baby boy and held him tightly as I sang these words to the Lord. 

This has been a hard year of climbing steep mountains.  I've had years of walking with God, soaking in His word and developing a right view of Him.  And this year, more than any other, I got to exercise that faith.  The result?  Our marriage is stronger than ever before, my walk with God is deeper, I trust in His word more than ever before, and I think our kids are seeing our faith lived out too. 

Please make no mistake.  This isn't a "Way to go, Gabby" moment.  It's a "Way to go, God" moment.  God has provided everything we needed to get through a difficult year. 

Even in recent weeks, dear friends have had incredibly difficult circumstances that leave me asking why as I hit the floor in prayer for their pain.  Sometimes I look around and all I see is hurting people.  Marriages are falling apart and mommies are left with empty wombs and arms.  One thought I have when I reflect back on this year is "Come, Lord Jesus."  I'm ready for a world in which He completely reigns.  I'm ready for the end of the story, when there are no more tears and every knee will bow to the Lord. 

In the meantime, I will follow Him all of my days, praising Him for the trials.   

I really don't mean to sound so sad today, because really I have so much joy as I reflect back on this tough year.  I haven't made any resolutions yet for 2012, although I'll spend some time tonight setting goals for the year. I'm looking forward to walking with Him and seeing what He has for us. I know there will be tough moments, but those tough times are often some of the sweetest.  I already know that with my children, there will be many times of stretching and growth for me as I learn more about what it is to be a mommy, and I pray that like this year, I will be growing in Christlikeness in 2012.  

What are your resolutions or goals for 2012?  One of mine is memorizing scripture faithfully.  I'd love to hear about your plans for the year.  Happy New Year!!