Solving the Problem of a Picky Toddler

Just like trying to predict the weather, there is simply no way to predict the whims of a toddler, especially when it comes to eating.  Some toddlers exhibit their pickiness earlier than others, but when I talk with other moms, it seems to be a univeral problem.  Parents and caretakers can find themselves catering to the toddler's every whim, throwing a variety of foods at the child and then leaving several things to go to waste.

  

The Problem
Early on, my toddler seemed to be the best eater.  Sure, she wouldn't eat hot dogs or french fries, but she absolutely loved salad and fruit.  As she got older, she developed a stronger will and began refusing more foods.  Towards the end of my pregnancy, I was very exhausted and started allowing her to dictate her meals.  Instead of turning her nose up at a few predictable items, she would have moods where she even refused some of her typical favorites, like macaroni and cheese or a PB&J sandwich.  That's when I knew we had a problem. 

Contributing Factors
According to My Toddler, in the second year of life, toddlers don't need as much food as they did in the previous year.  We parents continue to push the same amount of food on them, but they simply don't need it, so they refuse to eat.  This is why, from a parent's perspective, it can seem that a toddler is existing on air alone.

Also, toddlers are incredibly adept at knowing their own nutritional needs, provided they aren't satiated with sugar.  If left to their own devices, studies show that they will actually meet all of their nutritional needs over the course of a week.  My child may want to eat only rice and gravy at dinner time, but at lunch, she's pigging out on strawberries.  Somehow, it all works out. 

In fact, in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, the authors discuss a study that was conducted among children.  With three year olds, when extra food was placed on their plates beyond their caloric needs, the three year olds did not eat the excess.  By the age of five, the children did eat the food.  Within those two years, children learn not to listen to their bodies and instead, they eat what is in front of them. 

Another reason toddlers refuse to eat is because it is a control issue.  Toddlers are trying desperately to see just how separate they are from their caretakers, so they enjoy exerting their will at any opportunity.  But while mom can win out on a variety of issues, there is nothing mom can do to get the child to chew and swallow her food.  And a lot of moms, myself included, make food an issue.  We take offense when the littlest person in the house refuses to eat the meal we've worked so hard to prepare.  So we get frustrated and insist on one more bite, eventually creating food battles with our children. 

The Solution
My pediatrician's recommendation was certainly something I'd wanted to implement, but I never quite had the courage to go through with it.  His method lined up completely with Dr. Paul Warren's advice in My Toddler. 

Our doctor's suggestion was to offer healthy meals.  If the child refuses to eat the meal, they can have nothing but water until the next meal time. 

I was hesitant to follow through with this.  My toddler is in the 10th percentile on both height and weight, which means 90% of kids her age are bigger than her.  She's tiny.  She doesn't have any extra fat to spare, so I hated to try this experiment.  When I mentioned my tiny toddler to my pediatrician, he emphasized once more that my daughter is not underweight.  She may be tiny, but she is completely healthy and proportionate.  In fact, he said, based on her eating habits, it sounds like she's just begging to be a skinny kid, and we need to let her be as thin as she wants to be.  So with his reassurances, I decided to forge ahead with the plan.  He said she would catch on within a week, and that no child will choose to starve.

The Results
Within a day or two, Isabelle was back to eating meals with us.  Sometimes she will only want one thing that I've served, like the rice and gravy she pigged out on last night, and she'll ignore the rest of the meal.  But that's OK.  I work really hard not to get frustrated with her eating habits, and if she decides to eat only one or two bites at lunch, I simply decide not to care about it.  She usually makes up for it at the next meal.  She has also gained quite a bit of weight in the past few months, so I can only say that our little experiment is working.  At her last checkup, she was even slightly above the 10th percentile.  But the best part is that mealtimes are no longer a source of frustration since we don't have food battles anymore.

What's your experience with toddlers and food battles?

This post is part of a Homemaking Link-Up at Raising Homemakers.