If you're a parent of a toddler, I would highly recommend reading just about any book on toddlerhood, especially if you can find one that reflects your values. A couple months ago, I came across a book at our church garage sale that caught my eye, even though I was determined not to buy more books. The book is My Toddler: The Beginning of Independence, Ages One to Three by Dr. Paul Warren. It is part of The Stepping Stones Series For Christian Parents, which I am not familiar with, and the book was published in 1994.
The behavior of a toddler can be extremely frustrating and certainly puzzling. Isabelle was pretty sweet and compliant through the beginning stages of toddlerhood. But since my daughter's second birthday, things have been a bit different. I should mention that in addition to turning two and having a great need for independence, I have given birth to another child. Immediately after he was born, she came down with the flu, so we sent her packing to her Nana's house in South Louisiana to keep the baby from getting sick. She came back home and three weeks later, her brother was hospitalized and had lung surgery, which put her staying with various family members for another month. Suffice it to say, life has been quite tumultuous for her over the past 6 months.
But the toddler struggles began even prior to all of these events, about the time she turned two. Around the same time that my sweetheart started telling me "No," much to my horror, she also became just about the pickiest eater on the planet. And the first time my daughter threw a temper tantrum, I was completely shocked and horrified by her behavior. Where had my sweet little girl gone?
In fact, a couple months ago, I became completely convinced that mine was probably one of the worst behaved child on the planet. What convinced me of this? She began writhing and shrieking when I was dressing her at bedtime. I continued to be firm with her, but she continued to throw tantrums when I would get her dressed.
Reading My Toddler did wonders for both my opinion of my toddler and my response to her behavior. Dr. Warren gives incredible insight on toddler behavior. He explains their needs and motivations without completely dismissing the behavior. He still stressed the importance of firm and godly discipline and parenting, but because he explains the inner workings of their development, I feel like I understand the why of my toddler's behavior. I also understand how to avoid the situations to begin with.
Dr. Warren talks about the importance of this stage of development and the need for a child to be independent, as well as the value of letting your child practice independence. When we have time, for example, I let Isabelle put herself in the car seat while I put the baby in the car, and then I get Izzy buckled in.
The problem with Isabelle's bedtime tantrums was that she wanted to dress herself but she didn't know how. I would let her try to dress herself, but she still couldn't do it, which left her so frustrated (and unable to walk, since both feet were in one leg hole!). This continued for a while, but at least I understood the why behind her behavior. Many times, she could dress herself, but other times, she couldn't. Eventually, she became more accepting of my help instead of pushing me away, and she has also become more adept at dressing herself. And I let her put her own shoes on, even if they are backwards. It's just not a battle I'm going to fight. She feels really proud of herself for this accomplishment.
The bedtime tantrums were more likely to occur at night instead of in the morning for two reasons. One, she was more tired at night. Two, I was rushing her at bedtime. In the mornings, I usually get her dressed as soon as she gets up, even if we don't have to be somewhere for another hour or two. This takes the stress out of the situation and reduces the likelihood of trantrums. But in the evenings, I was rushing to get her into bed. After I realized that my rushing her was creating a stressful situation, I decided to start the bedtime process earlier. I also determined that if we're running late at bedtime, that's OK. It's not the end of the world if she's in bed 10 minutes later, especially if it means both Izzy and I are more relaxed.
Dr. Warren has a chapter on speech and language acquisition which completely lined up with my own opinions and experiences with my daughter. I knew it was important to speak with her and respond to her babbling when she was a tiny little thing, but I was responding this way out of respect for her as a little person. Dr. Warren says that we teach children at an early age that their communication and ideas are valid, which encourages them to continue their efforts, even if they mean nothing at the time.
My Toddler also addresses issues that occur with single parents and the strengths and weaknesses of various childcare scenarios, should you require childcare. He also gives a good Biblical perspective on discipline. After reading his book, I was more convinced of the need for consistency and perseverance of parents during toddlerhood.
I really appreciated his section on food battles. We implemented his suggestions, which completely lined up with my pediatrician's advice, and suddenly dinner became more pleasant and my toddler was eating the same foods as the rest of the family again. I'll elaborate more on this on Wednesday's post.
What's your favorite book on parenting toddlers?
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