Literary Monday: My Comfort in the Psalms

You, O Lord, will not withhold Your compassion from me;

Your lovingkindness and Your truth will continually preserve me.

Psalm 40:11

Today, for Literary Monday, I thought I'd shake it up a bit.  This verse is where my heart has been for the past several months, and I know no greater literature than scripture.  It is beautiful and it is my food.  And it continually preserves me.

For the past several months, I've been hanging out in the Psalms for my time with the Lord.  And I have found nourishment and peace.

I'm not promised that God will heal every single illness that comes my way.  I was keenly aware of that when my 5 week old had emergency lung surgery.  I knew that God may not preserve the life of my baby, but He would still be good, and he would, most certainly, still be God. 

Armed with the knowledge that God does allow painful events to happen to godly people, I get frustrated by empty platitudes like "Everything will be OK."  Sometimes it isn't.

In the past year or so, I've learned a few things. I've learned, for example, that 28 year old cousins kill themselves. And step-fathers have strokes. And mothers-in-law get cancer. As do healthy women in their 30s, with two young children to care for. And other women watch their nine year old sons get chemo treatments. And young women in their early 20s discover brain aneurisms in their first trimester of pregnancy. And as painful as miscarriage is, it's much more painful when it comes on the heels of a stillborn baby. And of course, I've learned that sweet baby boys are born with lung defects.

In some of these situations, everything is OK. Others are not.

I remember sitting in the nursery one night, several days before our son was born. I was dreaming of the precious life in my belly, imagining what he would look like, how it would feel to snuggle a tiny baby again. I glanced at the beautiful baby blue coming home outfit my mother had purchased. Suddenly I began sobbing as I thought of another baby boy that my friend had carried to full term. Why would I get to come home with my baby when she went home empty handed?  Her son was born asleep.

And a couple days later, I was sobbing again as we learned of a friend's cancer. I wondered how long she would be rocking her little boy, who was only 1. Fortunately, she's still here, doing incredibly, miraculously well, with hair thinning from chemo, but a smile from peace that is impossible to understand.  And I think she'll be rocking that baby boy for many years to come.

Two days after her diagnosis, our son was born. At 8 pounds, 5 ounces, we thought he was normal & healthy, but he was not. You know the rest of the story. Everything eventually turned out OK. But it might not have. 

I've never believed that life would be easy for followers of Christ, although that seems to be a common teaching in some Christian churches. I just don't get how that works for Christians in Sudan or China who are tortured and killed for their faith. And I don't see how it lines up with scripture. Verses like James 1:2 come to mind: Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you face trials of many kinds. When you face trials. Not if.

So what happens when your world seems to be falling apart? Phrases like "everything will be OK" really do sound hollow. Because our children may die. Or suffer greatly.  That's when we choose to praise Him in the storm, trusting in His perfect plan.  It's hard, but it's a spiritual exercise that brings incredible closeness with the Lord. 

I remember those tough days at the hospital, but as tough as it was, I was crazy, ridiculously, at peace with it.  Some days were harder than others, but in those difficult days, I saw God's provision.  And it wasn't always His provision of healing.  More often, He simply provided peace and rest, or even love from others in the form of phone calls & e-mails full of prayers and scripture.  Ultimately, He did choose to heal our little boy.  And in the months after our hospital stay, I've had many a dark day, but again, God provides mightily. 

Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Psalm 55:22.

Will He bring pain? Oh yes. That's how He makes us more like Him. For a stone to be polished, it must be sanded down and rubbed.

These times of "polishing" can be sweet times of closeness with the Lord. 

I know this much:  Had I not gone through my recent trials, I would not have experienced the amazing comfort that comes from the Lord.  Or His peace.  Or the joy that comes with the morning after an especially dark night. 

His Word would not seem so alive as it does today.  And I would not be joining with generations of Christians before me in saying "Come, Lord Jesus, come."

I am thankful that the Lord loves me enough that He brings pain into my life to make me more like Him.  Of course, it's easy to say that when my baby is now healthy and thriving.  I pray for those whose babies aren't.

Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me.

For my soul takes refuge in You;

And in the shadow of Your wings

I will take refuge until destruction passes me by.

I will cry to God most High,

to God who accomplishes all things for me.

Psalm 57:1-2

Links you might be interested in:
Andrew's Emergency
It's Not Just a Cold
Flight
Surgery
Recovery
Mommy, I'm OK.
Growing and Growing