On Becoming Babywise: A Second Reading
Babywise was one of the first books I read when I was pregnant with my first child. I've already written a full book review on it, including a lengthy explanation of what it looks like in real life, when applied to the specific needs of the Daigle family. What I'd like to focus on here are my impressions of the book the second time around, after having read many other books targeted to new parents.
During this reading, I was much more aware of my own "weaknesses" as a parent. When Isabelle was born, I discovered how tender-hearted I am towards my babies, and I quickly realized that I simply could not let her "cry it out." Fortunately I didn't have to. She slept so well, right from the beginning. So during this second reading, I was keenly aware that I simply would not be able to apply some of their advice. I just don't have it in me. My ultimate favorite scheduling book is The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, by Tracy Hogg. Her approach is much kinder and gentler, so it's better suited to my personality while still giving me the structure that I desire.
At times, I became frustrated with the authors' generalities. They tend to over generalize in certain areas, specifically with parents who practice attachment parenting. I have to admit, I don't really agree with attachment parenting. It's simply not my style. It is so far removed from my personality, my husband's personality, and our family's needs. However, I do know some folks who practice attachment parenting with success (and many of the things I enjoy doing are quite popular in attachment parenting circles, such nursing after 1 year of age, staying at home with my child, cloth diapering, and making baby food, but I disagree with some of their core beliefs). But just because it's not my style doesn't mean I'm going to completely knock it. The authors actually indicated that attachment parenting will encourage ADHD in a child, which was a statement that I found shocking. I know kids who really have ADHD, yet had plenty of structure and discipline in their homes. There are many reasons behind the epidemic of ADHD diagnoses, and AP probably isn't the culprit.
The authors also come down pretty hard on baby wearing, which is not surprising, since it's such a big part of attachment parenting. I think wearing your baby in a sling or a wrap can be incredibly helpful for a busy mom. I'm so excited to wear Andrew in the new Moby Wrap that a friend made for me, and it has nothing to do with "recreating the womb." But I think when used in a balanced way, while still giving your baby plenty of floor time and independent play time, wearing your baby in a sling can solve a multitude of problems and accommodate both mom and baby.
I didn't wear Isabelle very much, but I distinctly remember sweeping and mopping the kitchen one evening, only to be interrupted at the beginning by my 7 week old baby girl. She had gas, and neither a diaper change nor a nursing session would fix the problem. She just wanted to be held. But I had family coming in town for her baby dedication at church, and being the task-oriented neatnik that I am, I wanted my floors clean. I was torn: comfort my baby or clean my floors? The solution? Both, at the same time. I tried out the sling for the first time that night. She slid into it neatly and was happy being held against her mommy while I swept and mopped the floors. By the way, 2 years into motherhood, if I had to do it again, I'd forget the floors and cuddle with my baby!
One thing that did stand out to me as I read the book is that Babywise really isn't as rigid as some folks think. It has really gotten a bad rap. Just mention it on any online discussion thread, and people will respond as if you're the worst parent in the world for scheduling your child. When I had Isabelle, I was advised by several people not to put my child on a schedule. Their reasoning? It's not fair to let your child cry when he or she is hungry. If your baby is hungry, feed it.
I couldn't agree more. And so does Babywise. The Babywise equation is
Hunger Cue + Clock + Parental Assessment = Feeding Time
What's so dreadful about that? The authors mention several times that hunger is always a good reason to feed your child. Babywise elaborates extensively on this formula, but one point that they make is if your baby is exhibiting a hunger cue but the clock says it's not time for the baby to be fed, feed the child anyway. Most likely, the baby is having a growth spurt and needs to eat. Their method has baby eating every 2-4 hours, which is well within the normal range for any baby.
They also say that crying is a late hunger cue. I definitely found this to be the case. I kept an eye on either the clock or Isabelle. If she was sucking on her fingers, that was my hunger cue. And if it was 11 am, that was another hunger cue. The result? My baby rarely cried (after those first few weeks). She was usually fed before she even realized she was hungry.
Another important thing to keep in mind is that Babywise and breastfeeding can go hand-in-hand. Many breastfeeding advocates find that scheduling does not work well with nursing, but this was not my experience (Keep in mind that my first baby was nursed exclusively until 6 1/2 months of age, and then I continued to nurse until she was 17 months old. Clearly, nursing and Babywise can work!). And as I read through Babywise a second time, I kept an eye out for anything that might be contrary to breastfeeding. I really didn't find much, if anything. I love their advice for the first couple of weeks of nursing: turn the clocks away and don't look at them! Nurse the baby as often and as long as needed. The goal is to establish a good nursing relationship and full feedings.
What are your thoughts on Babywise? Did you love it or hate it? I know wonderful parents who think the book best belongs in the garbage, and other fabulous parents who live by it. I find it all comes down to personality.
Babywise was actually recommended to me by a customer at work when we were still in Springfield. I was amazed by this woman's 9 month old son who was sitting quitely playing and eating a snack in the floor while his parents shopped. When she found out I was pregnant she told me about the book and attributed her son's pleasant demeanor and good behavior to it.
ReplyDeleteI didn't follow the book's advice as strictly as I had originally planned at first. I just couldn't bring myself to let my baby "cry it out" when she was that little. But I did follow the "eat, awake, sleep" pattern and our schedule pretty much worked itself out. Now at 4 months old Amelia is a happy, alert baby that rarely cries unless something is keeping her form her usual schedule.
Catheryne, that was my experience precisely!! It's the rhythm of eat, awake, and sleep that made everything fall into place.
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