If I Had a Mommy Super Power

If I had a mommy super power, it would be the ability to diagnose my children immediately. 

I wouldn't have to go to the doctor's office, potentially exposing them to who knows what germs, exposing them to an exponential amount of germs.  The exponent goes up with every child I have, by the way.  Now that there are four of us walking into the waiting room, we all have the ability to pick up even more germs than before. 

Surely I'm not the only mom who breaks out the sanitizer multiple times during a visit to the doctor? 

Surely I'm not the only mom who keeps saying "Don't touch that!" "We don't crawl on the floor!" or  "Icky, icky, icky!  We don't do that!"

Surely I'm not the only mom who has a small panic attack every time another child comes close to my children, because everyone knows that other people's germs are worse than yours.


I digress.

If I had a mommy super power, it would be the ability to diagnose my children.  Specifically, I would be skilled in the use of the otoscope. 

An otoscope is that great gadget the doctor uses to look into your children's ears. 

I own one.  I cannot use it. 

I read the instruction pamphlet. I watched online videos.  I still can't diagnose an ear infection. 

My mom can.  My sister-in-law can.  I'm jealous of this talent of hers.  She spots an ear infection and can take her toddler right into the doctor.

Meanwhile, I miss ear infections.  Two weeks ago, I took my happy toddler in for his 18 month well-baby check-up, only to discover that he wasn't so well.  He had a double ear infection.  The doctor put him on antibiotics and asked to see him again in 2-3 weeks to check his ears. 

Yesterday afternoon, my toddler woke up in a horrible mood.  I rocked him for 30 minutes, trying to comfort him.  Eventually, Tylenol and ear drops saved the day.  And Daddy.  Daddy makes everything better. 

I asked him if his ears hurt.  He nodded his head yes.  The kid nods at everything.

Last night, he woke up during the night as well, clearly unhappy.  So I took him into the doctor today, assuming he had an ear infection.  But our doctor was out.  So I hauled all three of my children up to the on-call doctor, only to find out that my child has nothing wrong with him.  I'm happy he's healthy.  But I feel like a nut for bringing my kid in for nothing.

But hey, it could be his teeth.  He is getting four in at once.

That's small consolation for a wasted afternoon.  And germs.  Don't forget the germs.

What would your mommy super power be?  And do you own an otoscope?  Can you use it?  How about a stethoscope?  I own one of those too, and I'm pretty good at listening for wheezing with it.  But there's no hope for Gabby and the otoscope.