Pregnancy Journal, Week 39

 I just stumbled across a blog that has a pregnancy journal link-up every week.  If you're a pregnant blogger, join the fun at My Joy-filled Life!  Today is my last day of this pregnancy, but I thought I would participate in the journaling as well. 

How far along are you?  39 weeks, but our c-section is scheduled for Wednesday morning.  I'm having a baby tomorrow!


Symptoms?  Morning sickness tapered off a little over a month ago, so I've only gotten sick a few times in the past month.  I have felt so great!  I've had plenty of energy for cleaning house and getting things ready for baby. 

Medical Stuff?  I feel miserable during the majority of pregnancy, but medically, I'm perfectly healthy.  My blood pressure has always been great and I've never had any other issues during pregnancy.

We said "no thanks" to an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago.  My doctor said I'm probably the only woman who has ever turned one down!  I just didn't see the point.  I'm ready to meet my baby in person, not on a screen.  He did, however, want to do an ultrasound on Thursday of last week, just to check amniotic fluid levels and make sure all was well before surgery, but the sonographer was out of the office and I had too much to do on Friday to come back.  Our baby is very active, so we're confident that he is healthy. 

Weight gain (or loss)?  Finally gaining!  I think I've gained about a pound a week for the past month, bringing my total weight gain this pregnancy to 16 pounds. 


What Made Me Cry This Week?  Rocking my son while singing along with Fernando Ortega's "Great is Thy Faithfulness."  I must admit that I've had some fear during this pregnancy, wondering if this baby will be healthy or if he too, will have a lung defect.  But God was so faithful in caring for our family when we walked that journey with Andrew that I know He will carry us through any trial.  That doesn't mean trials won't come, but I trust God to walk that journey with us, and I just pray that He is glorified through our family's joys and sufferings.

Sleep?  Sleep is hard to come by, since I'm so excited about having a baby tomorrow.  I'd love to nap or go to bed early at night, but I just can't.

Maternity Clothes?  I feel so much bigger this pregnancy, even though I'm measuring at a normal rate.  So while I usually prefer the maternity pants with the small tummy panel, only my pants with the huge belly panels are fitting comfortably now.  I just want to wear dresses or my favorite capris.


What I miss:  Being able to get up and down easily, without groaning, and being able to sit on the floor without having sciatica afterwards.  I actually got stuck on the floor on Sunday evening.  I was sitting down, filing and organizing paperwork, for about an hour or so.  When it came time to get up, I couldn't!  My sciatica hurt too badly.  My husband had to help me stand, and then he burst out laughing because my shorts were on backwards!  But when you look down and can't even see your feet, it's almost impossible to know your clothes are on backwards.

What I'm looking forward to:  Meeting my baby boy!

Labor Signs?  The baby feels much lower and I'm feeling pressure from him.  I've also had plenty of contractions, but they're probably unproductive, Braxton Hicks contractions.

Thoughts from the family:  Isabelle is thrilled to meet her new little brother.  She wants him to come out and play with her new baby sister too.  She wants one of each!  Izzy still talks to my belly button, as if it's a peep hole to her baby brother.

Andrew, who will be 18 months old this week, is still pretty clueless about the baby.  I've tried pointing to my belly and telling him that there's a baby in there, but that only confuses him.  He has only recently learned the word "belly," so I don't want him to start thinking it's called a baby.  He has been more of a happy-go-lucky toddler lately, rather than my clingy little boy, so I'm hoping he'll transition well when baby brother arrives.

Someone asked my husband if he was nervous about being "outnumbered" now that our third child is coming.  He said no, he's been outnumbered for a while.  Pregnancy is so yucky for me that he's been caring for both kids and me for so long. 

Best Moment This Week?  For the past couple of days, I've just enjoyed spending time with my  kids.  We've been reading lots of stories, rocking, and doing other sweet things together that I know will be difficult when I'm recovering from surgery.  I've loved sharing special time with my daughter, who talks to my belly and gives it hugs and kisses.  I've enjoyed snuggles with my toddler.  I've also gotten to spend some time to myself, shopping, getting a pedicure, and getting a nice, low-maintenance haircut, so I've had a wonderful week.

Prayer Requests?  Please pray for a healthy delivery, a healthy baby who nurses well, a quick recovery, plenty of rest, and pray for my long term recovery as well.  Pray that our little guy's lungs are perfectly healthy and that this little boy will grow up to have a passion for the Lord. 


We're ready for our baby, so tonight, we're going out to dinner for the last time as a family of four.  We'll relax and watch the Olympics, and my daughter and I are going to do some baking together this afternoon.  The house is nice and clean, and we've got everything ready for baby boy.

Taking Care of Mama: Caring for Yourself in the Postpartum Days

After I have a baby, I believe in being a Pampered Princess.

This sounds completely selfish and obnoxious, so bear with me.  If you know me, you know I'm not the princess, queen of the house, or diva type.  So why do I take that approach when it comes to having a baby?

Preventing PPD
We all hear a lot about postpartum depression.  Well let me tell you, regardless of what Tom Cruise says, it's real.  And it's ugly.  I've known enough godly women who have suffered with it, despite having sweet husbands and precious families to welcome the baby at home. 

I don't know about you, but I'm just not in a hurry to experience something so miserable.  Last spring and summer, I dealt with either postpartum depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, as a result of my son's emergency lung surgery.  I'm really not sure which it was, because I easily fell under both categories.  Regardless, it was awful.  If that's anything like what my friends have dealt with during PPD, then I don't want to touch that with a ten foot pole. 

So how can we try to prevent PPD? 

Rest. 

Getting plenty of rest after having a baby is a great way to prevent PPD.  There's no guarantee, but it definitely helps.  Tired mommies are much more likely to experience PPD.   

I read this prior to having my first child, so I immediately decided that I would take a very restful approach to my postpartum days. 

Nursing
Rest is also a lovely way to help your milk supply out, so look for every opportunity to put your feet up and relax while you're feeding the baby.  Don't give into the temptation to have dad give the baby a bottle while you cook dinner.  Instead, have him pick up pizza while you nurse the baby.  It's a worthwhile tradeoff.

Also, if you are nursing, then you're probably up all night long, because no one else can do your job for you.  So you're going to need plenty of extra rest during the day. 

I remember crying one evening when my husband arrived home from work.  It was after 5 pm and we didn't have anything for dinner.  We only had one child, and she wasn't even a newborn; she was 12 weeks old.  Why couldn't I get dinner together?  I felt so worthless as a housewife! 

My husband said "Did the baby eat today?"  I told him that nursing her (it took her an hour per feeding!) was the only thing I'd accomplished all day long.  His response?  "Then you did your job for today."  I don't know what we ate that night for dinner, but my respect and love for my husband grew exponentially, because he extended grace and helped me realize that in those early weeks, my only job is to nurse our child.


Recovery
I have the joy (insert sarcasm here) of having c-sections, thanks to my daughter's wonderful breech position.  Recovery from a c-section is not fun, especially when you have a toddler to care for as well.  We tend to think of c-sections as just another way to have a baby, or like it's a small procedure.  The truth is that it is a major surgery.  If a doctor cut a 5 inch incision anywhere else on your body and pulled something out, we'd consider that a "real" surgery, but because c-sections are so common, we tend to minimize it. 

But it's not a cake walk.  It hurts anytime those abdominal muscles are used, which is pretty much all the time.  After a c-section, there's no heavy lifting, no bending over for a while, and mom needs lots of rest.  How are you supposed to do diaper changes for your toddler?  Laundry?  Cooking?  Sweeping floors?

You don't.

I think a mom should be expected to do the same things that any woman should do after having any surgery:  Rest and recover.

Fortunately, unlike other surgeries, the "thing" that is removed happens to be a real person that we fall in love with, and I believe that makes recovery worlds easier than it would be after, say, a hysterectomy.  I noticed after my daughter was born that as soon as a nurse brought her into the room, I felt little to no pain.  My babies are the best medicine. 


Focus on What Matters Most
Our culture says that women can have it all and do it all.  We champion women who can manage a household and a corporation within a couple weeks of having a baby. 

I'm here to tell you that I can't do it all.  Some days, even when I feel great, I get nothing accomplished all day, because I'm so busy trying to discipline my 3 year old.  She needs a lot of training and encouragement right now.  And that's what matters most today, more than dishes, laundry, or my latest nesting task. 

But I surely can't do it all after I have a baby.  And I don't even want to.  I want to bond with that baby, watch my children bond with him, and make memories.  They're only tiny once.  I want to enjoy it, not work and rush through it. 

How can we take care of Mama?

Prepare Ahead of Time
Getting your home in order and loading up the freezer with both convenience meals and homemade frozen dishes are great ways to afford you plenty of rest after the baby arrives.

Eat Well
See above, but when your body is a milk factory, you're going to need to eat well.  Eat whole foods instead of junk.  Skip the chips and opt for raw fruits, veggies, cheeses, and nuts as your instant snacks.  You'll feel better. 

Live in Your Jammies & Don't Make the Bed
If you stay in your jammies and leave the bed unmade, then your bed will just invite you to nap during the day!  If your bed is made, you're less likely to crawl into it for a 25 minute cat nap while the kids are watching Blue's Clues. 

I really don't worry about what people think when they bring meals to us and see me in my pajamas at 5 pm.  If anything, when they bring dinner, they're probably thinking "Gee, she really needs that meal!" 

Accept Help
Let others take the kids off your hands or bring dinner over.  You need it, so let them!  And they get to experience the joy of serving, so in some ways, it's a win-win.  It takes some guts to admit when you need help, but it also takes some courage to offer to help too.  Let them be a blessing to you, and accept the help.  A friend from church is already setting up a meal schedule for our family, and it's comforting for me to know that help is already in place.

Not only will I have family here to help when the baby is born, but my parents will also take the kids back home with them for a while afterwards.  This will enable me to simply care for myself and the baby for a week or two.  We don't have family in town to help, so this is the best way to make sure that I get the rest that I need.  Do I really want to be away from my kids for that long?  No, I don't, but this is what's best for all of us.  The sooner I'm back to myself, the better it will be for our whole family.

Lower Your Standards
We don't like convenience foods, but we'll have to eat them for a while.  We don't like a messy house, but we'll probably have one.  And I don't like my kids watching too much TV, but I'm sure they will watch more than their fair share over the next month or two, but that's OK too.  We'll go back to a normal life at some point. 

Get Creative with the Kids
Not crafty.  I didn't say crafty.  I said creative.  When our second child was born, I found some "creative" ways to get rest.  Sometimes I would shut the three of us up in my 2 year old's bedroom so that she could play safely while I nursed and napped with my newborn in my daughter's double bed.  We also played in the backyard quite a bit, with the primary goal of wearing her out before naptime.  I would wear Andrew in my newborn baby sling, so that I had my hands free for snacks and a giant bottle of water for myself.  Her playtime would ensure a nap for me, especially if I timed it right for him. 

Our baby will be here in just a couple of days!  I can't wait!

What tips do you have for getting plenty of rest in those postpartum weeks?  I'd love to hear from other moms.

Friday Fun

Car door in the Kleenex box? 

I'm sure it makes perfect sense to a 17 month old, but to me, it makes as much sense as finding a wire whisk in your bed. 


Wait a second!

We did find one of those in the bed this week! 

You mean you didn't?

Oh Andrew, you keep us on our toes... 

I hope you're having a fun Friday too.

The Big To-Do List

A few weeks ago, I came across my Big To-Do list from when I was about to give birth to my second child.  It was the master list for everything that would take place over the final week or so before I had the baby. 

I had to laugh.  The list was huge!!  It also contained things that I know for a fact never got done, and other things that really weren't that big of a deal.  But if you know me, you know that I'm great at making mountains out of molehills, so I'm sure all of it felt like a big deal at the time. 
Included on the list were vacuuming, sorting mail, a trip to the libarary (?!?), gifts to buy, and vehicle registration and inspection.  I'm pretty sure someone else could've taken care of that one for me after the baby arrived!  I also had things that were, unfortunately, never completed, like my thank you cards. 

When I'm in nesting mode, I act like I'm moving to China for a month.  I leave lists of things that my kids like to eat, or lists of bills paid and their dates.  I get a little bit on the obnoxious side.  Can anyone relate?

My mom got a kick out of my list too, and suggested saving it, so I've put it in Andrew's keepsake box.  This time, my to-do list was far less ambitious.  It's also about finished, other than the 8 remaining thank you cards that need to be written.  The main reason it's almost finished is because my goals were much smaller this time around. 

And there were things that I hoped to get done, but I never even bothered putting them on the list, such as freezer cooking.  I like to do a little bit of bulk cooking before I have a baby, but with the difficulty of this pregnancy (neverending morning sickness that has finally subsided--yay!), I wasn't too concerned about stockpiling my freezer. Freezer cooking was one of those things that would be nice to get to, but it's not as important as my sanity or my rest time. 

Fortunately, I have been able to get some freezer cooking done!  Two weeks ago, I made homemade spaghetti sauce and meat balls.  Yesterday, I did several turkey pot pies.  I still have some turkey left, so I'll find something else to do with that as well, or I'll just chop up the turkey and put it in freezer bags for future meals. 

I've also left next week pretty open.  Unless the baby decides to come sooner, I'll go in to have him on Wednesday morning.  Monday and Tuesday, I have nothing--nothing--on my calendar.  I'd love to go out to lunch, spend some time with a friend, or simply sleep in.  All of these things would make me very happy. 

So what did go on my to do list this time?  Closet organizing, which we tackled a few weeks ago, with the help of my mom and sister.  Organizing our desk and home office area.  Thank you cards.  A couple of sewing projects that needed to get done, mainly because I have no idea when I'll get around to them again.  And cleaning the bathrooms.  Primarily, my goal was to get organized before the baby comes.  I can only handle so much chaos in my life at one time, and while I love baby chaos, it's tough to add that on top of life chaos.  So I've tried to simplify and reorganize some areas of our home.  My house is definitely not spotless or anywhere near it right now, but at least it's organized, which gives me a certain level of serenity.

And then there's the all important haircut and pedicure that I'm looking foward to getting before the baby comes.  I'm sure we'll go out to eat as a family too, one last time as a family of four. 

What goes on your to do-list when you're nesting?

A Baby Story: Andrew's Birth

It was a cold and snowy morning in Texas when we headed to the hospital to have our son. 

Yep, you read that right. 

Here's the proof if you don't believe me.  Those are our cars, covered in snow.

It does snow sometimes here in East Texas, and it just happened that we had tons of snow the day I was scheduled to deliver our second child via c-section.  I can't tell you how many inches of snow we got that day, because I entered the Newborn Daze that day. 

With the Newborn Daze, a woman has no clue of anything that goes on beyond the roof of her house.  Current events are meaningless. All that matters is feeding the baby and sleeping.  With a newborn in the house, you'll even choose sleeping over eating.  True story.

I think we had to get to the hospital at some ridiculously early time, like 6, so knowing that the weather wouldn't be great, my husband and I woke up super early so that we could leave for the hospital with half an hour to spare.  It normally takes about 7 minutes to get to the hospital, but we weren't taking any chances.  Who wants to be late on the day of their child's birth?

Damian and I, ready to have a baby.

My parents, brothers, and sisters had arrived the night before from South Louisiana, ready to meet the latest addition to our family.  They stayed home with our 2 year old, Isabelle, and planned to meet us at the hospital at a decent hour, closer to the time when our baby would actually be born.

Fortunately, bridges and overpasses had been salted, so we had no problem getting to the hospital with time to spare.  We checked in and waited. 

Our doctor was already there, and was in a good mood, full of energy and jokes.  Much of the rest of the staff, however, was not there.  Evidently they had a hard time getting there, due to the heavy snow, and if schools were cancelled as well, then I'm sure it added to the challenge of making it to work.  All I know is that the hospital was short handed, so our non-emergency, scheduled c-section, had to wait. 

So wait we did, just hanging out and watching the news until it was time to have our baby boy.  We were so ready to meet him. 

Damian, suited up and ready to head to the OR.

Sometime after 10 am or so, I was prepped and brought back to the operating room.  Once I got there, I had to take some sort of an antacid.  Then I received my spinal, which is what numbs the body and enables surgery to be painless.  It's not too different from an epidural.

Shortly after the spinal, I was laying down on the table, with my hands stretched out on boards, and I was wearing an oxygen mask.  At some point, I started vomiting.  That's when things got really fun.

I vomited into my oxygen mask, but couldn't pull it away or really even turn my head, because I couldn't reach my face with my hands.  Turning my head accomplished nothing, thanks to the mask, so I tried to get the attention of my nurse anesthetist, or whoever had administered it.  She was closest to my head.  Finally, she noticed that I was choking on vomit and started suctioning my mouth out. 

It was, in short, one of the most miserable and humiliating feelings of my life. 

Immediately, I said to myself "I'm done.  No more babies.  I hate pregnancy and this experience was awful.  I'm not doing it again." 

I think somewhere during that time frame, my husband came back to the operating room, and they began the c-section.  Before the surgery, the nurses pull up a blue curtain that the father can see over, if he wants to.  My husband has no desire to see my insides, so he just stands nearby and comforts me during my c-sections, waiting for his first peek of the baby.  And he's got the camera ready.

As I continued to wallow in my misery and contemplate the novel idea of having only two children, I felt a tugging in my stomach. 

The doctor hoisted up my baby boy, and I saw his face for the first time. 


"Nope," I thought.  "I can go through that again and again if I have to.  Look at that face.  He's completely worth it."

Love's first kiss.

Andrew Jay Daigle was born at 11:11 am, weighing 8 pounds, 5 ounces.  Andrew is both my husband and his father's middle names.  Jay was the nickname of my grandfather, who was also known as J.W., for John William. 

Andrew was brought back to the nursery to be cleaned up, and my husband went with him while the doctor finished sewing up my incisions.   

Proud Daddy

I was brought to my room for recovery and at some point, the nurses brought the baby to me so that I could nurse him for the first time.  Even though it's a major surgery that a woman has gone through, it's still so important that the mom nurse her baby in that first hour, while he's at his most alert state.  Babies also develop a muscle memory when it comes to nursing, and it's important that the baby nurse well that first time.  After all the difficulties I'd had with nursing my first baby, breastfeeding was definitely my top concern when I was expecting my second.  I had many friends praying for breastfeeding success. 


Our prayers were answered.  Andrew ate like a champ.  He never really lost any weight, and weighed in at 8 pounds, 4 ounces at his first well-baby checkup, 4 days after he was born.  My little guy never wore newborn diapers; he came home wearing size 1 pampers.


Like his sister, he had my heart from the moment I saw him.  I'm excited about getting to meet my newest little one in just 12 days. 

Andrew, just an hour old.

If you're wondering about why I need c-sections, then blame my stubborn first child.  She was breech, upside down, in the womb.  While the doctor attempted an ECV, a procedure to turn her in the womb, it was unsuccessful, so we had no option but a c-section.  We have decided that for our family, we feel that repeat c-sections are the safest way to have a healthy baby, so that's what we do.  It was a disappointment when we first made this decision, but it's what we believe is best for our babies.  Thanks for respecting that decision.

A Natural Cure for Pregnancy Reflux

Every night, before I go to bed, I tell my husband that I must take my reflux medicine.  There's simply no sleeping well without it. 

Before I discovered it, I had to sleep sitting up in bed, and I would still be awakened throughout the night with reflux.  I finally decided to buy Tums, which isn't ideal, because the calcium in Tums interferes with iron absorption, and few pregnant ladies have iron to spare.  Fortunately, I discovered my new medication and I've never had to take the Tums. 

A couple of days ago, I found that I was completely out of my meds, so that evening, my husband went to the grocery store and bought enough "medicine" to last through the end of my pregnancy (2 weeks!).

So what's my miracle medicine? 

An apple. 

A friend told me about it through Facebook, and ever since I started eating an apple at bedtime, I have no nighttime reflux.  Reflux really doesn't bother me during the day, or I'd eat them all day long as well. 

In fact, a bedtime apple works so well that last night, I pigged out on slices of fresh pineapple immediately before bedtime.  This would've meant reflux doom prior to discovering my apples.  But I took my "medicine," an apple, and had no reflux problems whatsoever last night. 

Apples will also work for folks who aren't pregnant.  The friend who shared this trick with me isn't pregnant, and said that she hasn't had to take any reflux medication now that she's eating a nightly apple.  And eating apples is a win-win.  It cures the reflux and it's healthy for you.  My favorites are organic.  In fact, with my bloodhound nose and tastebuds, thanks to pregnancy, I can actually taste chemicals in some apples, so I'm pretty picky about my fruit. 

So next time you hear a pregnant woman talking about awful reflux, suggest a bedtime apple.  She'll thank you for it!

Praying for a Healthy Baby

Like any Christian parents, we pray for our children, even and especially when they're in the womb.  One thing we've always prayed for is the baby's health.  At the same time, we recognize that the more important prayer request is for our baby's salvation and walk with the Lord.  We pray that the baby would come to know Christ as the savior of their sins at a very young age, and that he or she would walk with God daily, pursue holiness, have a heart for the lost, remain pure until marriage, and we pray for our baby's future spouse.  These are the same things we pray for our children who are outside of the womb, in addition to other prayer requests for the kids.  And still, we pray for their health. 

Because of some of the experiences we had when our last baby was just a newborn, praying for a healthy baby means so much more and so much less than it did before. 

When my son was just a few days old, we had a flu epidemic sweep through our home.  Nearly all of my family who had visited came down with the flu, including Isabelle, our two year old daughter.  We had arrived home from the hospital the previous day, encouraging her touch and kiss her brother, but now we were terrified that both my husband and I and the baby would come down with the flu.

But God chose to protect Andrew.  He knew what we didn't know:  Andrew had a congenital lung defect.  At nearly six weeks old, an RSV cold would prove too much for Andrew's little lungs, and it was the trigger for emergency lung surgery.  I don't know what the flu would've done to Andrew at just a few days old, when RSV nearly killed him at an older age.  But I know that being an older baby, we'd had a good opportunity to establish nursing, and both his surgery and his recovery went incredibly well. 

God looks out for the health of our little babies.  I can never neglect praying for a healthy baby.

At the same time, to a certain extent, a healthy baby means a little less now.  I will never forget the feeling of being told that my child has a congenital lung defect.  My stomach hit the floor and I wanted to vomit in that ER room.  Life changed immediately, and I'll never be the same. 

In the days and weeks that followed, there were many uncertainties.  Congenital Lobar Emphysema is rare, and I could find little information about it.  Other than what the doctors told us, I really had no idea what to expect long term for my little boy.  And one day, while my baby was still recovering at Children's Medical Center in Dallas, the respiratory therapist mentioned that my baby had atalectasis, that is, a collapsed lung. 

I didn't know what this meant, but it sounded so permanent.  Now I know that it's not permanent, and that it's a normal consequence to the lung defect and surgery.  In fact, Andrew has had atalectasis twice since then, and it's one of those things that my husband and I consider to be "no big deal." A few days of breathing treatments will correct it, no problem.

But the first time I heard the phrase "collapsed lung" in relation to my baby, I remember being terrified.  It sounded like the lung was completely shot.  In my mind, it meant my son would have diminished breathing capacity his entire life.  Would he ever play sports?  Certainly, being a soccer player like his daddy would be out of the question.  Would he suffer from breathing issues his entire life? 

And then I got it all in perspective, again, hearkening back to some of the thoughts my husband and I had after that awful night in the ER. 

Should my baby never be normal, it's OK.  It's all part of God's plan.  What matters is that he knows Christ, that he glorifies Christ in his sufferings and in his joys.  If he's able to be a football player, let him do it for the glory of God.  If he's an engineer, let Him honor the Lord in his work.  If he's a garbage collector, a doctor, or an invalid, let Him bring honor to the God who made him and saved him.

A week ago, my church had a baby shower for my newest little bambino, who will arrive in a couple of weeks.  It was incredibly sweet and such a blessing to celebrate with our church family, who overwhelms us with love every time we're expecting a baby. 

Before opening gifts or cutting the cake, we had a time of prayer for our family.  The women prayed fervently for our little family, and it was a precious time of fellowship with both them and the Lord.  Over and over again, I heard prayer requests for my baby's walk with God, for our family's adjustment, and for a healthy baby.  In my mind, I echoed their requests.  And then one woman finally said what many of us were thinking.  She prayed specifically for this baby boy's lungs, that they would be perfect and healthy.  She prayed for our family to be free from illness when the baby arrived.  And of course, she prayed for the salvation of our children, as many others had prayed.  By the end of the prayer time, tears were running down my cheeks, and someone had tucked a Kleenex into my hand. 

Moms, we must pray for the health of our little ones.  God honors our fervent prayers and sovereignly answers them, much as he protected Andrew from the flu, but still knew that we needed to go through the ordeal of lung surgery on our newborn.  It was a journey that He had planned just for us, and there are lessons he taught us through that trial that could be learned no other way. 

But we can't neglect the spiritual elements either.  There is nothing in this life that is more important than a close walk with the Lord, and I pray that my children will know Him and honor Him. 

If you're wanting to pray regularly for your children, here is a great resource for praying daily for them.  Each day is connected to a different Biblical virtue to pray for your children, with scriptures listed.  I keep my list tucked away as a bookmark in my Bible. 

Extended Nursing: An Unlikely Story

I never thought I would write a blog post on extended breastfeeding, probably because I never thought I would nurse that long. 

Extended breastfeeding is a pretty hot topic right now, thanks to the controversial Time magazine cover and a new reality show that's coming out.  You have no idea how glad I am that I don't have cable! 

The attachment parenting folks have made it a little more common practice, but it's still viewed as weird and strange.  But even if you don't adhere to the AP style, or if you're like me, and you're somewhere in the middle of the different parenting philosophies, if you've ever nursed a baby, you've probably heard the comments people make:

"When the baby gets teeth, it's time to wean."

"If they can ask for it, they don't need to be breastfeeding."

And my personal favorite, "If the kid can chew steak, it's time to cut him off."  I really love that one because my all-boy meat eating baby was chomping at steak at 10 months of age, using only two teeth and his gums.

It seems that everyone wants to tell us when we need to be done breastfeeding, and it's really funny when it's coming from someone who has never given birth, much less nursed a baby.  But I understand; I knew more about parenthood before I had kids too.  After my first was born, I still thought I knew a lot.  Now I'm aware that I know nothing, and half the time I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants.

In the United States, 75% of women start out nursing.  Only 44% are still nursing at 6 months, and most of them have already introduced solids.  When my babies reach 6 months of age, I'm in the minority of only 15% of moms whose babies are exclusively breastfed, since the 4-6 month age range remains a popular time to introduce solids, despite the AAP's latest recommendations.  Those numbers are even smaller for my area, where nursing is a little less popular than other parts of the country.  (Click here to see the CDC's Breastfeeding Report Card.)  I know that when it comes to extended nursing, I must really be in the minority.  But I never planned to be an extended nurser, and perhaps you don't either. 

My Journey with Extended Nursing

When I became pregnant with my first child, early in 2008, I knew I would nurse her and all other children because my mom had nursed me, and we considered breastfeeding "normal" at our house.  I wasn't really sure how long you were supposed to nurse your baby, but once I found out that you should nurse 12 months (weaning sooner involves formula), then I decided I would nurse my babies 12 months.  Easy decision for a by-the-book rule follower like myself. 

My baby girl was born and we had to fight hard to make nursing work, but we did it.  I remember meeting up with my book club when my baby was several months old, and one of the ladies asked me about breastfeeding.  Somehow we started talking about extended nursing, and I distinctly remember saying that it was weird, gross, and pointless.  This is only one of many times that I've eaten my words as a mom.

Somewhere around 6 months, I would get asked questions like "Are you still nursing the baby?!?"  If I was feeling defensive, then I would say something about the AAP guidelines of nursing until 12 months.  Other women would ask the same question with a different tone: "So you're still nursing?"  After I said yes, then they would move in a little closer and sometimes make a confession like this one:  "I think that's great.  In fact...I nursed my youngest until she was 2 1/2." 

After hearing several "confessions" like this one, I started asking these moms why they nursed longer.  I also noticed that the kids they nursed longer were just as "normal" as the other kids (whatever "normal" means!).  And some of these kids who breastfed a while were now in college or out of college, and there was nothing strange about them.

Meanwhile, my little nursing baby was getting bigger.  Except she wasn't.  She was still my tiny little girl, even if she was getting older and a little bigger every month.  December rolled around and her first birthday approached.  She only nursed twice a day, first thing in the morning and at bedtime.  I decided I wouldn't go with my original idea of weaning, which went something like "Happy Birthday, kid, here's your sippy cup of milk.  No more nursing for you, baby girl." 

The more I thought about it, the less weird it seemed to continue nursing my baby.  What was the difference between Isabelle at 12 months and Isabelle at 12 months and one day of age?  Or 13 months?  What was the difference in my milk?  Did it suddenly stop being good, just because she turned 1? 

In fact, the thing that seemed strange me to was to suddenly cut her off from nursing because it was December 21st, her first birthday.  And as it turned out, she didn't want a sippy cup of milk when she turned 1 anyway.  It took her a while to get used to the taste, and we also had to experiment with the style of cup we put her milk in.  During that transition time, I was so glad I was still nursing! 

In the end, I decided to keep nursing until whenever.  I know that sounds strange, but I really had no plan.  I had several thoughts on the matter that convinced me to nurse longer than 12 months.

• Breastmilk doesn't suddenly stop being good for your baby just because he's had his first birthday.  Can your baby get all of his nutritional needs met through food?  Absolutely.  But it doesn't hurt to get extra vitamins and antibodies through breastmilk either.

• My baby was still a baby.  Really, she was so tiny, and I just couldn't imagine not nursing her anymore.  I know that's a sissy response, but it's the truth.

• Everyone was happy.  She still wanted to nurse, I was fine with it, and so was my husband.  If one of those three people isn't happy with the arrangement, then it's time to re-evaluate.  But as long as those three are happy, then I think it's fine to keep nursing.  No one else's opinions matter.  In fact, no one else needs to know.  Unless you're silly like me and you write a public blog about it.  Doh!

• I noticed that all the moms I knew who had nursed past a year were very confident in their decision to do so.  Some (not all) of the other moms who weaned at 1 or even sooner seemed to have a tiny bit of guilt about it.  Those who had breastfed longer seemed to feel that they nursed until they or their baby was ready to stop, and that it worked out really well for them.  I wanted to have that kind of confidence too, and be comfortable making the decision myself, instead of letting other people or a calendar date tell me when to wean my baby. 

So when did we wean?
In the end, that's just what I did.  At some point during her toddlerhood, shortly after she'd started walking, I really wanted another baby, but we weren't pregnant yet.  So I decided to stop nursing Isabelle, just in case nursing her twice a day was preventing us from becoming pregnant.  She was nearly 18 months old, and I wondered if we'd have more babies for me to nurse.  But I weaned her anyway, not knowing that I was already pregnant.  We found out a week later that I was pregnant with Andrew, her baby brother.

Isabelle, around the time that I started weaning her.

And with Andrew?  I planned to nurse him at least a year, and that once again, I would stop whenever I felt like it.  But when he was 10 months old, I found out I was one month along with another baby.  Eating for 3 was rough, especially with morning sickness!  I don't think I started gaining weight until after I weaned him completely, and even then it's been a challenge to gain anything.  My goal was still to nurse him until his first birthday, when I would be around 13 weeks pregnant.  It was incredibly difficult to make it that long, and I had to take it one week at a time.  I asked my OB/Gyn about it, and he advised looking at what La Leche League says about it, though he said that in his opinion, it was fine for me to keep nursing, but that he'd prefer I wean somewhere around 20 weeks, because of viability of the baby. 

Somehow, we made it to Andrew's first birthday, but the child wouldn't take milk.  We had some troubleshooting to do with a milk allergy and more sippy cup experiments, but as soon as he would drink his coconut milk, I began working on weaning him.  I nursed him until he was 13 months old, and while that's not very long compared to most extended nursing moms, it was as long as I could do it. 

In both cases, I felt like both babies were pretty much "done" when I stopped nursing.  They weren't too interested anymore, and the last few days of nursing, I had to repeatedly try to get the baby to eat.  I don't know if pregnancy hormones were a factor in that, but I felt comfortable knowing that my children didn't feel upset or deprived because I'd stopped nursing.  I was a little weepy and wistful about it, but I still felt comfortable in my decision to stop.

With baby #3, due in just a few weeks, I'm sure I'll nurse him until "whenever" as well.  I doubt I'll ever be the woman at the restaurant whose 3 year old walks up and starts lifting her shirt to nurse, but who knows?  I do know this:  I'm not going to make a judgment or decide she's a bad mom because she still nurses her child.  That's a decision for her, her husband, and their child.  Not me.  And I try not to say "I'll never do ____ as a parent," because those rules are often the first to get broken.

Of Baseball Helmets and Such

"Mommy, can I have a black one of those?" my 3 year old's tiny voice asked from the shopping cart. 

"One of what??" I responded.

"A black baseball helmet," she said, pointing at the cookware as we rolled by.

Specifically, she was pointing at a black strainer.  Because maybe I've been letting the kids run around the house with strainers on their heads. 

Maybe.

I hope you're enjoying your kids today.  I've been too busy nesting to blog, which means my house is getting cleaner and cleaner every day.  This makes my neat-freak heart very happy. 

I've had a week-long break from morning sickness and tons of energy, so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.  I'm having a baby in about a month!