My husband introduced me to this Andrew Peterson song a couple weeks ago. Warning, ladies: You may want to have Kleenex nearby.
"Family Man" from Trevor Little on Vimeo.
I don't know if it was the song itself that made me cry, my lovely pregnancy hormones, or that while this song was playing for me, I could hear my husband in the kitchen, feeding our daughter, and that he'd ordered me to bed (to keep from getting sick again). If you're married to a Family Man, thank the Lord your God every day for that blessing. It's nothing to take for granted.
I'm not sure how I missed this song, since the CD Love and Thunder came out in 2003. I suppose I can blame it on my limited options on Christian radio stations in the area. I rarely hear Andrew Peterson on the radio, aside from "Isn't it Love" occasionally. Really, it's my fault. I haven't followed him at all in recent years. But I still listen to the same 10 year old CD, Carried Along, which first introduced me to Peterson with "The Chasing Song" and "Nothing to Say." Every song on it is excellent, but I've never heard an Andrew Peterson song I didn't like.
His music is honest and real, not glossing over problems in marriage or life. "The Coral Castle" on Carried Along is a perfect example of his honesty in music. These are my favorite lyrics from "Family Man:" So come on with the thunder clouds/ Let the cold wind rail against us, let the rain come down/ We can build a roof above us with the love we've found/ We can stand our ground/ So let the rain come down. Marriage and family life aren't always easy, but trials will either strengthen us or divide us. It's our response that determines which effect trials will produce.
If you want to hear more Andrew Peterson, check out this song, "Dancing in the Minefields," from his latest CD, Counting Stars (which comes out tomorrow!). This song seems to be spreading like wildfire online. Several friends have posted the video on Facebook, blogs, or e-mails.
Here is Peterson's blog post about making the video. I can't pick favorite lyrics from this song. It's all too good and too true. The chorus says We went dancing in the minefields/ We went sailing in the storm/ And it was harder than we dreamed/ But I believe that's what the promise was for.
In two weeks, we'll be celebrating our eighth wedding anniversary, and I think I can say that marriage is harder and sweeter than either of us could've imagined.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Reprieve
I've been avoiding another morning sickness blog because I haven't wanted to seem as if I'm trying to garner extra sympathy. However, many of you have asked how I've been feeling, and since the news is finally good, I think it's time for an update.
Last week was completely miserable. I had two days in a row when I was sick three times one day and twice the next, which left me completely exhausted. Tuesday was a nice day, but it was too short of a break in the middle of a week where I was constantly nauseous or worn out from losing my lunch. Fortunately, on Monday of this week, I had my second prenatal appointment. My doctor didn't hesitate to approve medication for morning sickness.
Round 1: Avoiding Medication
When I was pregnant with Isabelle, I avoided medication at all cost. I was extremely concerned about birth defects, and it seemed to me that medication was constanty being recalled (i.e. Reglan). At one point, when I noticed I'd lost several pounds in a couple of days, I did have to start taking medication, but it was mild and just made me sleep all day. I only took it (phenergen) as needed. But I knew early on in this pregnancy that there was no way I could live like I did last time. With my first pregnancy, I could be completely selfish and spend an entire day curled up with a book to stop myself from getting sick again. This time, I need to properly care for my toddler, so I decided early on that if my doctor is comfortable with medication, then I would take his advice.
Round 2: Medication and Reprieve!
Two friends e-mailed me last week about an over the counter morning sickness remedy, but I wanted to check with my doctor prior to using it. He was very supportive of it and viewed it as a great first option for managing nausea. I'm currently taking a B6 supplement and Unisom to combat morning sickness, and the results are incredible. Much of the day, I don't even feel pregnant. I have little to no nausea whatsoever. During my first pregnancy, other pregnant women would tell me how great life is after the first 14 weeks, when they no longer felt nauseous, but I never experienced this and continued to get sick all through my pregnancy. This time, I've been able to enjoy relief from the nausea.
Oddly enough, it doesn't prevent me from getting sick. I've still vomited a few times this week, but it's a far cry from last week (8 times in 5 days--yuck!), and I've been amazed at what I feel capable of doing now that I'm not nauseous all day. I had so much fun yesterday, baking cookies for a meeting today and baking a cheesecake for a friend's birthday. I felt like my old self again. I'm hoping to bring Isabelle to the pool next week and do other fun things that we haven't been able to do.
Unless I start getting sick repeatedly in my second trimester (like last time), then I think this will work. I can definitely live like this, and best of all, I can really function and care for my family. Here's an article about the medication I'm taking, for any pregnant women who are interested in it. Essentially, the combination of medicines I'm taking creates a morning sickness drug that was improperly removed from the US market in the 80s. It has never been linked to birth defects and has been used in Canada for 50 years. The first day after taking it, I felt incredibly groggy and sleepy, thanks to the Unisom. Every day since, I've felt a little sluggish in the mornings, but it's a worthwhile tradeoff for sweet relief.
Understanding Hyperemesis Gravidarum
If anyone is interested in understanding what has gone on, check out the website for hyperemesis education and research. One of the hardest things about my last pregnancy is that most people simply don't understand. I wouldn't have understood it either had I not experienced it myself. It would almost be easier if I stopped calling it morning sickness and started calling it hyperemesis, because then people would realize that it's very, very different. I'm often advised to eat saltines, sip Sprite, or take Tums. Typical morning sickness remedies do not work, and neither do digestive aids, since it's a hormonal issue, not a digestive one. One Monday morning during my first pregnancy, I weighed myself and realized that, due to all of the sickness over the weekend, I'd lost 3 pounds in two days. That's when I realized it had escalated from morning sickness to hyperemesis, and I quickly called my doctor to get medication and avoid dehydration. At 6 months of pregnancy, I'd gained a total of 6 pounds, and the week prior to giving birth to Isabelle, I was pleased to see I'd successfully gained 12 pounds in pregnancy (instead of the normal 25-35). I worked hard to gain those 12 pounds! Many women with hyperemesis lose weight throughout their pregnancy, so I was very fortunate. I also worked hard to avoid hospitalization, drinking Powerade to replace electrolytes and stay hydrated.
This time, I have not been diagnosed with hyperemesis and I'm hoping and praying that I won't be. I'm hoping that starting medication at 11 weeks will keep me feeling well and energetic. This pregnancy, I have far fewer food aversions and water usually doesn't make me feel sick, so I think these are good indicators that things will be easier this time.
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement! I'm still praying for a good second trimester! Regardless, I know that anything is worth it for a sweet little one. I never take it for granted what a blessing it is to be pregnant.
Last week was completely miserable. I had two days in a row when I was sick three times one day and twice the next, which left me completely exhausted. Tuesday was a nice day, but it was too short of a break in the middle of a week where I was constantly nauseous or worn out from losing my lunch. Fortunately, on Monday of this week, I had my second prenatal appointment. My doctor didn't hesitate to approve medication for morning sickness.
Round 1: Avoiding Medication
When I was pregnant with Isabelle, I avoided medication at all cost. I was extremely concerned about birth defects, and it seemed to me that medication was constanty being recalled (i.e. Reglan). At one point, when I noticed I'd lost several pounds in a couple of days, I did have to start taking medication, but it was mild and just made me sleep all day. I only took it (phenergen) as needed. But I knew early on in this pregnancy that there was no way I could live like I did last time. With my first pregnancy, I could be completely selfish and spend an entire day curled up with a book to stop myself from getting sick again. This time, I need to properly care for my toddler, so I decided early on that if my doctor is comfortable with medication, then I would take his advice.
Round 2: Medication and Reprieve!
Two friends e-mailed me last week about an over the counter morning sickness remedy, but I wanted to check with my doctor prior to using it. He was very supportive of it and viewed it as a great first option for managing nausea. I'm currently taking a B6 supplement and Unisom to combat morning sickness, and the results are incredible. Much of the day, I don't even feel pregnant. I have little to no nausea whatsoever. During my first pregnancy, other pregnant women would tell me how great life is after the first 14 weeks, when they no longer felt nauseous, but I never experienced this and continued to get sick all through my pregnancy. This time, I've been able to enjoy relief from the nausea.
Oddly enough, it doesn't prevent me from getting sick. I've still vomited a few times this week, but it's a far cry from last week (8 times in 5 days--yuck!), and I've been amazed at what I feel capable of doing now that I'm not nauseous all day. I had so much fun yesterday, baking cookies for a meeting today and baking a cheesecake for a friend's birthday. I felt like my old self again. I'm hoping to bring Isabelle to the pool next week and do other fun things that we haven't been able to do.
Unless I start getting sick repeatedly in my second trimester (like last time), then I think this will work. I can definitely live like this, and best of all, I can really function and care for my family. Here's an article about the medication I'm taking, for any pregnant women who are interested in it. Essentially, the combination of medicines I'm taking creates a morning sickness drug that was improperly removed from the US market in the 80s. It has never been linked to birth defects and has been used in Canada for 50 years. The first day after taking it, I felt incredibly groggy and sleepy, thanks to the Unisom. Every day since, I've felt a little sluggish in the mornings, but it's a worthwhile tradeoff for sweet relief.
Understanding Hyperemesis Gravidarum
If anyone is interested in understanding what has gone on, check out the website for hyperemesis education and research. One of the hardest things about my last pregnancy is that most people simply don't understand. I wouldn't have understood it either had I not experienced it myself. It would almost be easier if I stopped calling it morning sickness and started calling it hyperemesis, because then people would realize that it's very, very different. I'm often advised to eat saltines, sip Sprite, or take Tums. Typical morning sickness remedies do not work, and neither do digestive aids, since it's a hormonal issue, not a digestive one. One Monday morning during my first pregnancy, I weighed myself and realized that, due to all of the sickness over the weekend, I'd lost 3 pounds in two days. That's when I realized it had escalated from morning sickness to hyperemesis, and I quickly called my doctor to get medication and avoid dehydration. At 6 months of pregnancy, I'd gained a total of 6 pounds, and the week prior to giving birth to Isabelle, I was pleased to see I'd successfully gained 12 pounds in pregnancy (instead of the normal 25-35). I worked hard to gain those 12 pounds! Many women with hyperemesis lose weight throughout their pregnancy, so I was very fortunate. I also worked hard to avoid hospitalization, drinking Powerade to replace electrolytes and stay hydrated.
This time, I have not been diagnosed with hyperemesis and I'm hoping and praying that I won't be. I'm hoping that starting medication at 11 weeks will keep me feeling well and energetic. This pregnancy, I have far fewer food aversions and water usually doesn't make me feel sick, so I think these are good indicators that things will be easier this time.
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement! I'm still praying for a good second trimester! Regardless, I know that anything is worth it for a sweet little one. I never take it for granted what a blessing it is to be pregnant.
My first view of my baby girl, December 21, 2008.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Cobbler Queen
The Cobbler Queen is not me, make no mistake of that. But I do happen to be related to her.
Yesterday, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I stumbled upon a product that stopped the daughter of the Cobbler Queen in her tracks. It was a package of pre-made cobbler mix. Just add fruit and milk! What is the world coming to? Is it so hard to make a cobbler that we must pre-package the stuff? But not everyone can be the daughter of the Cobbler Queen.
I think of my mom as the Cobbler Queen because of a series of events that occured one Fourth of July holiday in Sun, Louisiana. My entire family was spending the holiday weekend in a small town near Bogalousa, Louisiana, near the Mississippi state line. We have family property there and would spend most holidays together in the house that my great-grandfather built.
My husband and I arrived after the blueberry picking had already commenced. In fact, we learned that my mother had already made a cobbler or two from the fresh blueberries and that there were plenty of blueberries left to be picked. My great aunt Janella's blueberry bushes are more like trees, and the blueberries hang like clusters of grapes. We picked all we wanted, storing up plenty to go in our freezer back in Texarkana.
Over the course of the long weekend, my mother made cobbler after cobbler for dessert. At one point, we ran out flour, sugar, or some other cobbler-making staple. We thought all future cobblers would have to wait until someone made a trip into Bogalousa or Covington, but alas, we were saved. My mom found a package of cake mix hanging out in the pantry, and she could even whip up a cobbler out of this find. That's when I discovered that my mom can truly make something out of nothing. I've seen her do it countless times since, where she takes an empty pantry and makes a wonderful dinner. I would panic. I may possess a master's degree, but don't ask me to deviate from a recipe. I'm not a true cook. True cooks and bakers can always whip something up. I firmly believe that the only reason I can cook is because I can read and follow instructions. But don't ask me to be creative.
Since some of you may be tempted to purchase pre-made cobbler mix, I decided I'd share basic cobber recipes with you. My generation of women does not cook from scratch, so you'll be amazed at how simple these scratch recipes are.
Some recipes for cobbler are incredibly complex, such as The Pioneer Woman's Blackberry Cobbler #2. Her Blackberry Cobbler #1 is very simple, Gabby style. Personally, I prefer to make a simple cobbler. If it has more than about 5 ingredients, I stay away from it. I want my cobbler to be at my finger tips at a moment's notice, so that if I should have drop-in guests, I can have a cobbler out of the oven within an hour. Should you have a complex recipe that you love, consider saving it just for special events when you have more time. I personally don't want to find out mid-recipe that my baking powder has expired and won't rise. As I mentioned before, I can't deviate from the recipe, so I'd be at a loss to try and save it.
For all of the following recipes, you pour your fruit on the bottom of the pan first. I prefer a glass pan to save on clean up effort. Top your fruit with the batter you choose. Bake in an oven at 350 for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until it looks golden brown on the edges and bubbly. Top with vanilla ice cream if desired.
Basic Cobbler Recipe: Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa
1 cup of flour
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of milk
Add vanilla for extra flavor.
Basic Cobbler, adapted: The first time I made my mom's cobbler, I was incredibly confused. Why didn't mine taste the same? My mom forgot to tell me that she frequently substitutes ingredients for extra flavor and oomph. You can sub out some or all of the ingredients, depending on your preferences or what you have on hand. This is now my basic cobbler.
1 cup of flour = Substitute Bisquick
1 cup of sugar = still sugar!
1 cup of milk = Substitute evaporated milk
Add vanilla for extra flavor.
Basic Dry Cobbler: The previous recipes are for a liquid batter that will pour. Many people prefer a dry batter that leaves little crunchy, buttery blobs on top. It really tastes amazing, especially on top of blueberries or blackberries.
1 cup of flour
1 cup of sugar
1 stick of butter
Mix with a pastry blender (handheld) or just mix in a stand up mixer, if you have one. My KitchenAid creates a perfect pastry blend, but if I'm not paying attention, it'll mix it up too much and I'll be left with one solid mass of flour, sugar, and butter. The end result should be little crumblies that you pour on top of the fruit.
I should mention that I really do believe the vanilla makes a world of a difference, and my favorite is real, authentic vanilla. I love my Honduran vanilla, which I brought back from a mission trip several years ago. Technically, it should be expired, but it still tastes wonderfully, and is so much better than anything at the grocery store. Mexican vanilla would also be fabulous.
I prefer a liquid batter for cherry or peach cobbler (use cherry pie filling, canned peaches). We like the dry batter on top of blueberry or blackberry cobbler (use frozen or fresh berries). I've even had success with a combo batter. I made a large batch of blackberry cobbler and topped it with the liquid batter. I then realized that we prefer the dry batter, so I made another batch of the dry batter to go on top of the liquid. The result was cobbler perfection, and the little crispy bites distracted us from the seeds in the blackberries.
Happy cobbler making!
Yesterday, while doing my weekly grocery shopping, I stumbled upon a product that stopped the daughter of the Cobbler Queen in her tracks. It was a package of pre-made cobbler mix. Just add fruit and milk! What is the world coming to? Is it so hard to make a cobbler that we must pre-package the stuff? But not everyone can be the daughter of the Cobbler Queen.
I think of my mom as the Cobbler Queen because of a series of events that occured one Fourth of July holiday in Sun, Louisiana. My entire family was spending the holiday weekend in a small town near Bogalousa, Louisiana, near the Mississippi state line. We have family property there and would spend most holidays together in the house that my great-grandfather built.
My husband and I arrived after the blueberry picking had already commenced. In fact, we learned that my mother had already made a cobbler or two from the fresh blueberries and that there were plenty of blueberries left to be picked. My great aunt Janella's blueberry bushes are more like trees, and the blueberries hang like clusters of grapes. We picked all we wanted, storing up plenty to go in our freezer back in Texarkana.
Over the course of the long weekend, my mother made cobbler after cobbler for dessert. At one point, we ran out flour, sugar, or some other cobbler-making staple. We thought all future cobblers would have to wait until someone made a trip into Bogalousa or Covington, but alas, we were saved. My mom found a package of cake mix hanging out in the pantry, and she could even whip up a cobbler out of this find. That's when I discovered that my mom can truly make something out of nothing. I've seen her do it countless times since, where she takes an empty pantry and makes a wonderful dinner. I would panic. I may possess a master's degree, but don't ask me to deviate from a recipe. I'm not a true cook. True cooks and bakers can always whip something up. I firmly believe that the only reason I can cook is because I can read and follow instructions. But don't ask me to be creative.
Since some of you may be tempted to purchase pre-made cobbler mix, I decided I'd share basic cobber recipes with you. My generation of women does not cook from scratch, so you'll be amazed at how simple these scratch recipes are.
Some recipes for cobbler are incredibly complex, such as The Pioneer Woman's Blackberry Cobbler #2. Her Blackberry Cobbler #1 is very simple, Gabby style. Personally, I prefer to make a simple cobbler. If it has more than about 5 ingredients, I stay away from it. I want my cobbler to be at my finger tips at a moment's notice, so that if I should have drop-in guests, I can have a cobbler out of the oven within an hour. Should you have a complex recipe that you love, consider saving it just for special events when you have more time. I personally don't want to find out mid-recipe that my baking powder has expired and won't rise. As I mentioned before, I can't deviate from the recipe, so I'd be at a loss to try and save it.
For all of the following recipes, you pour your fruit on the bottom of the pan first. I prefer a glass pan to save on clean up effort. Top your fruit with the batter you choose. Bake in an oven at 350 for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until it looks golden brown on the edges and bubbly. Top with vanilla ice cream if desired.
Basic Cobbler Recipe: Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa
1 cup of flour
1 cup of sugar
1 cup of milk
Add vanilla for extra flavor.
Basic Cobbler, adapted: The first time I made my mom's cobbler, I was incredibly confused. Why didn't mine taste the same? My mom forgot to tell me that she frequently substitutes ingredients for extra flavor and oomph. You can sub out some or all of the ingredients, depending on your preferences or what you have on hand. This is now my basic cobbler.
1 cup of flour = Substitute Bisquick
1 cup of sugar = still sugar!
1 cup of milk = Substitute evaporated milk
Add vanilla for extra flavor.
Basic Dry Cobbler: The previous recipes are for a liquid batter that will pour. Many people prefer a dry batter that leaves little crunchy, buttery blobs on top. It really tastes amazing, especially on top of blueberries or blackberries.
1 cup of flour
1 cup of sugar
1 stick of butter
Mix with a pastry blender (handheld) or just mix in a stand up mixer, if you have one. My KitchenAid creates a perfect pastry blend, but if I'm not paying attention, it'll mix it up too much and I'll be left with one solid mass of flour, sugar, and butter. The end result should be little crumblies that you pour on top of the fruit.
I should mention that I really do believe the vanilla makes a world of a difference, and my favorite is real, authentic vanilla. I love my Honduran vanilla, which I brought back from a mission trip several years ago. Technically, it should be expired, but it still tastes wonderfully, and is so much better than anything at the grocery store. Mexican vanilla would also be fabulous.
I prefer a liquid batter for cherry or peach cobbler (use cherry pie filling, canned peaches). We like the dry batter on top of blueberry or blackberry cobbler (use frozen or fresh berries). I've even had success with a combo batter. I made a large batch of blackberry cobbler and topped it with the liquid batter. I then realized that we prefer the dry batter, so I made another batch of the dry batter to go on top of the liquid. The result was cobbler perfection, and the little crispy bites distracted us from the seeds in the blackberries.
Happy cobbler making!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
My Other Favorite Scheduling Book
I picked up Tracy Hogg's Secrets of the Baby Whisperer purely out of desperation. A friend of my sister's had given it to her and said "Gabby must read this! It's wonderful." I laughed at the silly title and put it on my shelf to collect dust for a few months.
When I finally did read it, it was only because I was sleep deprived and desperate for something to help with my child's gassiness. We'd been home from the hospital for only a day or two, but Isabelle had such terrible gas that I was staying up all night with her. I began looking at the index in the back of every baby and parenting book I owned, trying to find some way to fix Isabelle. As it turned out, the primary source of her gas problems were the result of a device given to us by our hospital to "help" Isabelle nurse better. That's a long story that I won't share here, except to say that it didn't help, it only made matters worse, and it gave my child terrible gas. After teaching her to nurse without it, she only had gas ("colic") about one night a week. The Baby Whisperer had great techniques on holding the baby and doing tummy massages, so after reading their section on gas, I began reading the rest of the book.
Last week, I told you all about our positive experience with Babywise. We loved it. But as much as we loved it, I think I love Secrets of the Baby Whisperer even more. The principles are the same for both books: A baby who is on a routine throughout the day will sleep better at night. And you must begin as you mean to go--never start a habit that you aren't willing to maintain.
The difference is the approach of the authors. Tracy Hogg's approach is much kindler and gentler in tone. When I read Babywise, I was only about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'd taught freshman English for 4 years at a public high school in Texas. I thought I was tough. When I read about letting your baby "cry it out" (CIO), I thought sure, I can do that. I'm tough. It's what's best for my baby, so I can do it, no matter how hard it is. Ha.
When my daughter was born, I discovered what a big ole softy I am. It's a good thing she easily fell into a routine, because I could never have done CIO with her when she was just a couple months old. No way. She melted my heart completely.
What I love about The Baby Whisperer is that she doesn't advocate tough methods either. She has a much gentler approach that produces the same results. She still says that the best way to prevent problems is to start as you mean to go--if you never begin bad habits, you won't have any to break. We definitely found this to be true.
Personality Profile
One of my favorite aspects of her book is the baby personality profile. Yes, your baby has a personality already, even if he's only a few weeks old! Tracy Hogg categorizes them as the Angel baby, Textbook baby, Spirited baby, Touchy baby, and Grumpy baby. The purpose of discovering your baby's personality is so that you learn to work within those parameters. We discovered that our baby was an Angel baby. She did everything not just by the book, but earlier, when it came to things like sleeping. We enjoyed our angel baby and completely do not expect to have a child with the same temperament next time. My friends say it just wouldn't be fair. She was so easy that if we wanted to go out to lunch, and it was her naptime, we could just cover her carseat with a blanket and she'd go right to sleep...even at five months old! On cartrips, she was the easiest infant because she followed her schedule on her own. If her morning naptime was at 9:30, she would put herself to sleep in the car by 9:35.
But she was a touchy baby in two areas, eating and bathing. When it came to eating, Isabelle would only nurse if held in a very tight football hold. Cradling would not work, and I couldn't nurse while lying down until she was almost a year old (and by then I didn't need to--she was only nursing twice a day). At nine months, she refused to eat from a bottle, so when we had to leave her with my parents for my 10 year high school reunion, we told my parents to try the bottle, but then just use the milk to add to her cereal so she'd have a full meal.
With bathing, Isabelle would scream during baths, probably because of the temperature of the house (she was born December 21!). A friend shared tips she'd learned while watching nurses in the neonatal unit bathe her son. We followed her advice and wrapped Izzy up in a bath towel before her bath, keeping her wrapped up even in the water. We would pull out an arm or leg to wash, then return it under the towel so she could stay warm. This made her enjoy bathtime, and eventually we could stop bathing her this way, but she has continued to love taking a bath. In fact, we spell the word out at our house because if I say "bath," Isabelle immediately gets excited and runs to the tub, ready to get in.
Charts, Instructions, Troubleshooting, and Advice
I also love the tips and charts found in this book. She goes through, step by step, how to bathe a baby, how to give an infant massage, and other important skills. Tracy Hogg includes charts that show how many hours a baby should be sleeping at each age. I felt like my baby slept all the time, but she was just at the top end of what is considered "normal" for a baby.
Tracy Hogg also takes the time to troubleshoot common problems. What if, for example, you don't begin as you mean to go? What do you do with your 6 month old baby who can't put himself to sleep at night? The works through this and other issues.
I also love her older, wiser, motherly advice and perspective. She gives a couple of illustrations of women and their responses to motherhood, and shows how important it is for a mom to take care of herself in those early days, rather than trying to get back to work early.
When We Broke All of the Rules
At one point early in parenthood, I did come to the conclusion that, as much as I loved the tips I'd been reading in both The Baby Whisperer and Babywise, following the rules was not nearly as important as enjoying our new baby. My husband, who really hadn't been around young children very much, was very confident in his parenting skills early on, and he helped me realize my priorities. One night, he took the baby, laid her on his chest, and let her fall asleep there, nice and cozy. I smiled at this sweet picture and said very pointedly "Is that a habit you'll be willing to break in two months?" His response? "Yes, it sure is." His actions seemed to fly in the face of everything I had read. The truth of the matter, however, was it wasn't something we did regularly. Isabelle had put herself to sleep for all of her naps that day. Letting her fall asleep on us from time to time wasn't going to create a bad habit, but it would create sweet memories for all of us.
Nursing and Scheduling Babies
Most advocates of nursing are not big fans of scheduling babies, for various reasons. I firmly believe you can do both. But I did notice in both Babywise and The Baby Whisperer that the authors do not place a high value on nursing. I think the authors take this approach because their goal is to help you schedule your baby, not guilt trip you if you're not able to nurse. But know that both can be done. With some effort, you can have a breastfed baby who sleeps through the night beautifully.
When I finally did read it, it was only because I was sleep deprived and desperate for something to help with my child's gassiness. We'd been home from the hospital for only a day or two, but Isabelle had such terrible gas that I was staying up all night with her. I began looking at the index in the back of every baby and parenting book I owned, trying to find some way to fix Isabelle. As it turned out, the primary source of her gas problems were the result of a device given to us by our hospital to "help" Isabelle nurse better. That's a long story that I won't share here, except to say that it didn't help, it only made matters worse, and it gave my child terrible gas. After teaching her to nurse without it, she only had gas ("colic") about one night a week. The Baby Whisperer had great techniques on holding the baby and doing tummy massages, so after reading their section on gas, I began reading the rest of the book.
Last week, I told you all about our positive experience with Babywise. We loved it. But as much as we loved it, I think I love Secrets of the Baby Whisperer even more. The principles are the same for both books: A baby who is on a routine throughout the day will sleep better at night. And you must begin as you mean to go--never start a habit that you aren't willing to maintain.
The difference is the approach of the authors. Tracy Hogg's approach is much kindler and gentler in tone. When I read Babywise, I was only about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant with my first child. I'd taught freshman English for 4 years at a public high school in Texas. I thought I was tough. When I read about letting your baby "cry it out" (CIO), I thought sure, I can do that. I'm tough. It's what's best for my baby, so I can do it, no matter how hard it is. Ha.
When my daughter was born, I discovered what a big ole softy I am. It's a good thing she easily fell into a routine, because I could never have done CIO with her when she was just a couple months old. No way. She melted my heart completely.
What I love about The Baby Whisperer is that she doesn't advocate tough methods either. She has a much gentler approach that produces the same results. She still says that the best way to prevent problems is to start as you mean to go--if you never begin bad habits, you won't have any to break. We definitely found this to be true.
Personality Profile
One of my favorite aspects of her book is the baby personality profile. Yes, your baby has a personality already, even if he's only a few weeks old! Tracy Hogg categorizes them as the Angel baby, Textbook baby, Spirited baby, Touchy baby, and Grumpy baby. The purpose of discovering your baby's personality is so that you learn to work within those parameters. We discovered that our baby was an Angel baby. She did everything not just by the book, but earlier, when it came to things like sleeping. We enjoyed our angel baby and completely do not expect to have a child with the same temperament next time. My friends say it just wouldn't be fair. She was so easy that if we wanted to go out to lunch, and it was her naptime, we could just cover her carseat with a blanket and she'd go right to sleep...even at five months old! On cartrips, she was the easiest infant because she followed her schedule on her own. If her morning naptime was at 9:30, she would put herself to sleep in the car by 9:35.
Isabelle at 5 weeks
But she was a touchy baby in two areas, eating and bathing. When it came to eating, Isabelle would only nurse if held in a very tight football hold. Cradling would not work, and I couldn't nurse while lying down until she was almost a year old (and by then I didn't need to--she was only nursing twice a day). At nine months, she refused to eat from a bottle, so when we had to leave her with my parents for my 10 year high school reunion, we told my parents to try the bottle, but then just use the milk to add to her cereal so she'd have a full meal.
With bathing, Isabelle would scream during baths, probably because of the temperature of the house (she was born December 21!). A friend shared tips she'd learned while watching nurses in the neonatal unit bathe her son. We followed her advice and wrapped Izzy up in a bath towel before her bath, keeping her wrapped up even in the water. We would pull out an arm or leg to wash, then return it under the towel so she could stay warm. This made her enjoy bathtime, and eventually we could stop bathing her this way, but she has continued to love taking a bath. In fact, we spell the word out at our house because if I say "bath," Isabelle immediately gets excited and runs to the tub, ready to get in.
Charts, Instructions, Troubleshooting, and Advice
I also love the tips and charts found in this book. She goes through, step by step, how to bathe a baby, how to give an infant massage, and other important skills. Tracy Hogg includes charts that show how many hours a baby should be sleeping at each age. I felt like my baby slept all the time, but she was just at the top end of what is considered "normal" for a baby.
Tracy Hogg also takes the time to troubleshoot common problems. What if, for example, you don't begin as you mean to go? What do you do with your 6 month old baby who can't put himself to sleep at night? The works through this and other issues.
I also love her older, wiser, motherly advice and perspective. She gives a couple of illustrations of women and their responses to motherhood, and shows how important it is for a mom to take care of herself in those early days, rather than trying to get back to work early.
When We Broke All of the Rules
At one point early in parenthood, I did come to the conclusion that, as much as I loved the tips I'd been reading in both The Baby Whisperer and Babywise, following the rules was not nearly as important as enjoying our new baby. My husband, who really hadn't been around young children very much, was very confident in his parenting skills early on, and he helped me realize my priorities. One night, he took the baby, laid her on his chest, and let her fall asleep there, nice and cozy. I smiled at this sweet picture and said very pointedly "Is that a habit you'll be willing to break in two months?" His response? "Yes, it sure is." His actions seemed to fly in the face of everything I had read. The truth of the matter, however, was it wasn't something we did regularly. Isabelle had put herself to sleep for all of her naps that day. Letting her fall asleep on us from time to time wasn't going to create a bad habit, but it would create sweet memories for all of us.
Nursing and Scheduling Babies
Most advocates of nursing are not big fans of scheduling babies, for various reasons. I firmly believe you can do both. But I did notice in both Babywise and The Baby Whisperer that the authors do not place a high value on nursing. I think the authors take this approach because their goal is to help you schedule your baby, not guilt trip you if you're not able to nurse. But know that both can be done. With some effort, you can have a breastfed baby who sleeps through the night beautifully.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Why I Love Babywise: The Infant Scheduling Controversy
On Chronicles of a Babywise Mom, Valerie is having readers share their Babywise success stories this week, either through their own blogs or hers. I would definitely consider Isabelle to be a Babywise success story, and since I know Babywise is pretty controversial, I thought I would share our story so that you can see a more positive view of infant scheduling.
Introduction to Babywise
Babywise was one of the first books I read when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, we weren't telling anyone that we were pregnant yet, so we stealthily snuck into the bookstore to purchase it. It's impossible to not run into someone we know at the bookstore, so we chatted with friends we ran into, pretended to be very interested in the biographies, and then snatched our copy of Babywise and darted to the checkout line. I had a number of friends who used Babywise and loved it (and an equal number who advised tossing it immediately), so I was very interested in finding out what all the fuss was about.
If you're not familiar with Babywise, here's the basic premise of their schedule. Feed your child every 2-4 hours. After feeding, keep your child awake for a while, which can vary, depending on the age of a child. A one month old will rarely be awake for an entire hour--sometimes you're just aiming for 15 minutes of awake time, especially in those early weeks. Then you may put your child down for a nap, and the cycle starts over again. But you must put your child into their bed while they are still awake. The whole goal of Babywise is for your child to be a self-soother who doesn't need any sort of sleep prop, be it a pacifier, sleeping with mom and dad, or being patted, held, or rocked to sleep. This is definitely over-simplifying it, so read the book if you really want to follow it! Tracy Hogg, in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, my other favorite scheduling book, simplifies it further. It's basically EASY: Eat, Awake, Sleep, You!
Babywise in Real Life
Unless you're really interested in scheduling, skip to the bottom of this post! Here are the nitty gritty details of establishing an infant schedule. It has taken days to put this information together, because there are so many details that seem essential to give you a complete picture of scheduling a baby.
I somewhat began applying this immediately after we came home from the hospital, but my baby was a sleeper baby. She did not want to stay awake for a feeding. I took the advice in Babywise for the first 2 weeks at home: Don't look at the clocks! Feed the baby when needed and concentrate on full feedings, even if it means repeatedly waking up the baby to finish eating. Otherwise, my child would snack all day and a schedule would be nearly impossible. During those first two weeks, we also had to troubleshoot some incredibly difficult breastfeeding issues, so that was our primary concern. We also made sure that we let her soothe herself to sleep. Damian became the master swaddler, so we would swaddle her and put her down in her bassinet, and she'd quickly go to sleep on her own. One of the basic principles of both Babywise and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is "begin as you mean to go." Don't start something at 2 weeks old that you're not willing to continue at 2 years old. A sweet, cuddly baby is very nice sleeping next to you in bed, but a kicking toddler who grabs your face probably isn't so pleasant.
Isabelle slept through the night twice during her first two weeks of life, but after that, I started setting my alarm clock so that I could wake her up for feedings. We were (rightly) concerned about weight gain issues because of the nursing problems, so we couldn't let her sleep.
After the first two weeks, we stuck closely to the Babywise plan. Babywise suggests two possible approaches. You can choose your child's wake-up time every day, so that it's always the same, or you can start the EASY cycle as soon as the baby wakes up for the day, whether that's 6:30 or 8:00. For the early days, we chose the more relaxed plan over a strict schedule. I fed her every 2-4 hours and followed the EASY plan. She didn't eat at the exact same time every day. But at three weeks, she started sleeping through the night again! And this time, since the doctor was pleased that she was gaining weight sufficiently, we followed the advice of every mom out there: Never wake a sleeping baby!
I was concerned that I wasn't on a super strict schedule yet, so when a fellow Babywise friend called to check up on us (and bring us a meal!), I asked her opinion. She said that obviously, what were doing worked. If I felt the need to adjust to a firmer schedule, then do it, but that I was still applying the principles and they were clearly working.
I decided that I wanted the comfort of a set schedule, so that I could, for example, plan to meet a friend for lunch at 11:30 next week and know that it wouldn't interfere with nursing or naptime. I looked through my records of Isabelle's nursing schedule for the past week and noticed a pattern. Yes, I'm a nerd who diligently wrote down nursing times! New moms are so sleep deprived that they often don't remember when they fed their child last. In fact, the bag the hospital gave me included a place to record nursing times and the length of time spent per side. So I looked through my records and noticed that Isabelle was eating at roughly the same times every day and was sleeping from midnight to 5 or 6 in the morning every night. It seemed we were on a schedule without realizing it, but it was an Isabelle dictated schedule. I then began following this schedule closely, because I loved the predictability of knowing when she would eat again.
At this point, having a newborn became so easy. Yes, I just said that. It was amazing how wonderful you feel when you're getting 6 hours of straight sleep, instead of being broken up in 2 hour increments throughout the night. And knowing when she would need to eat enabled me to do important things (like take a shower!) because I knew how long she would sleep. I had no fear that she would start screaming while I was in the shower because I knew her routine. I should probably mention that she remained a slow eater and a sleepy eater, so it would often take 1 - 1 1/2 hours to feed her. Can you imagine?? I became very adept at nursing and reading at the same time. It was very hard to cook dinner though, because she either needed to eat when I should've been cooking, or I would cook dinner and not eat because it was time to nurse again. Fortunately, we were blessed with meals from church, meals from other friends, and freezer meals that my mom and I had prepared ahead of time. Isabelle was 8 weeks old before I ever cooked dinner for us.
It only became easier. At 2 months, Isabelle started sleeping 8-9 hours per night. At 4 months, she slept round the clock, 12-13 hours straight. I was concerned about how this would affect my milk supply, so I did what's called a dream feed. Around 10:30-11, before I went to sleep, I would nurse her as she slept and quietly put her back in her crib. At 18 months, she still sleeps for 12 hours straight.
When she got older, we started our day at the same time every day, 7:30. If she woke up at 7, I didn't get her out of her crib until 7:30. She didn't cry, but instead would babble to herself or play with her hands and feet. Now, she plays with toys in her crib until mommy comes to get her and occasionally calls out "MommyDaddyMommyDaddy!" If I don't come, she goes back to playing.
Our Biggest Sleep Problem
I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the problems we encountered when Isabelle was tiny. Overall, Isabelle was a happy and content baby who rarely cried. Except when she had gas. We did have what would be called a colicky baby from time to time. Strangely, it would only hit about one night a week. Every other night, she was fine. Those nights were very tough, and we just had to survive with a crying baby who could not sleep, except by laying on us. So one night a week, we broke every rule of Babywise. I don't know how parents deal with that every night. We were so relieved when she finally outgrew it.
We Love It!
The bottom line is that we love Babywise. As a baby, Isabelle rarely cried. She was very content, and Babywise only enhanced that. Many people feel that scheduling a baby is terrible or awful because it's simply cruel to refuse to feed a child when he or she is hungry. I agree completely. With Babywise, I usually fed her before she had a chance to realize she was hungry. I would either feed her based on the clock or feed her based on her own cues. If I noticed she was sucking on her hands, then I checked the clock and would discover that I should've started feeding her 10 minutes ago. Relatives called her the "no cry baby," and we were repeatedly complimented on how content she was.
Another reason I love Babywise is because I nursed Isabelle. Many women, even stay-at-home moms, feel the need to stop nursing early because they feel tied down. Initially, this didn't bother me because I viewed it as a short term issue. I felt that it was worth it to be tied down and give my baby the gift of a healthy start in life. But I nursed my daughter for nearly 17 months. A week and a half after weaning her, I discovered I was pregnant again. So essentially, since early 2008 until early 2012, I will be either nursing or pregnant. Wow. Now I don't see it as a short term issue!
But what I did discover with nursing Isabelle and using Babywise is that, after 17 months of nursing, I didn't feel tied down. Once I'd spent my 6 weeks or so recovering from my c-section, I was able to go where I wanted to, when I wanted to, with or without the baby, because I knew her routine. I did Ladies Night Out with MOPS, started going to the gym when Isabelle was 10 weeks old, and went about my usual routine of Bible study, MOPS, and church during the week. Grocery shopping and running errands weren't much of an issue either. I also loved blowing a hole in the theory that only a bottle fed baby sleeps through the night early, or that you must give your child rice cereal early if you want him to sleep through the night. I didn't introduce solids until Isabelle was 6 1/2 months old.
Is Babywise for you?
Only you know the answer to that. Read it and see what you think. I love having my daughter on a schedule, but we firmly believe that we are not slaves to her schedule. We'll let her stay up late when family visits so that they can have more time with her or push her nap back to 2 so that she can go shopping with her grandmother. Babywise reiterates several times that the schedule serves you--you don't serve the schedule.
But a schedule is not for everyone. Damian and I have personalities that crave peace in our home, and we both love order. We also have lots of places that we like to go, and we knew a routine for the baby would actually give us the freedom to do the things we want to do. We believed firmly that we wanted Isabelle on a schedule, did not want her sleeping in our bed, and that we didn't want it to take 30 minutes to put the baby to bed, because these things are what's best for our family. But they're not what's best for everyone. There's a lot of freedom in the various decisions a mom must make about things like scheduling or cloth diapers, and there's not a one size fits all answer. I never want to make anyone feel guilty for doing things differently than me. Just like cloth diapering and making my own baby food do not make me a better mom than someone else, scheduling doesn't make us better parents either.
If you read Babywise and feel that it's too strict for you, check out Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It's a much gentler approach to scheduling, and suited the nurturing side of my personality much better. After reading the Baby Whisperer, I felt it was OK to rock my daughter at bedtime. It's a part of our bedtime routine. I sing three songs to her while rocking and then put her to bed completely awake. She does the rest. When people read Babywise, sometimes they feel that it's never OK to rock your baby, which is a shame. I love snuggling with my baby girl in the glider at bedtime, but it's not necessary for her to go to sleep.
The principles given in Babywise helped us get off to a smooth start and prevented me from being as frazzled and sleep-deprived as I could've been. I look foreward to applying these ideas with Baby #2, but I also know that I can't expect the same results. Few children sleep through the night at 3 weeks. But most sleep through the night at 8-13 weeks if they're on a schedule, so at least I know that at some point, sleep will come for both of us.
Did you love or hate Babywise? I'd love to hear your experiences, positive or negative, or answer any questions you have about scheduling.
Introduction to Babywise
Babywise was one of the first books I read when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, we weren't telling anyone that we were pregnant yet, so we stealthily snuck into the bookstore to purchase it. It's impossible to not run into someone we know at the bookstore, so we chatted with friends we ran into, pretended to be very interested in the biographies, and then snatched our copy of Babywise and darted to the checkout line. I had a number of friends who used Babywise and loved it (and an equal number who advised tossing it immediately), so I was very interested in finding out what all the fuss was about.
If you're not familiar with Babywise, here's the basic premise of their schedule. Feed your child every 2-4 hours. After feeding, keep your child awake for a while, which can vary, depending on the age of a child. A one month old will rarely be awake for an entire hour--sometimes you're just aiming for 15 minutes of awake time, especially in those early weeks. Then you may put your child down for a nap, and the cycle starts over again. But you must put your child into their bed while they are still awake. The whole goal of Babywise is for your child to be a self-soother who doesn't need any sort of sleep prop, be it a pacifier, sleeping with mom and dad, or being patted, held, or rocked to sleep. This is definitely over-simplifying it, so read the book if you really want to follow it! Tracy Hogg, in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, my other favorite scheduling book, simplifies it further. It's basically EASY: Eat, Awake, Sleep, You!
Babywise in Real Life
Unless you're really interested in scheduling, skip to the bottom of this post! Here are the nitty gritty details of establishing an infant schedule. It has taken days to put this information together, because there are so many details that seem essential to give you a complete picture of scheduling a baby.
I somewhat began applying this immediately after we came home from the hospital, but my baby was a sleeper baby. She did not want to stay awake for a feeding. I took the advice in Babywise for the first 2 weeks at home: Don't look at the clocks! Feed the baby when needed and concentrate on full feedings, even if it means repeatedly waking up the baby to finish eating. Otherwise, my child would snack all day and a schedule would be nearly impossible. During those first two weeks, we also had to troubleshoot some incredibly difficult breastfeeding issues, so that was our primary concern. We also made sure that we let her soothe herself to sleep. Damian became the master swaddler, so we would swaddle her and put her down in her bassinet, and she'd quickly go to sleep on her own. One of the basic principles of both Babywise and Secrets of the Baby Whisperer is "begin as you mean to go." Don't start something at 2 weeks old that you're not willing to continue at 2 years old. A sweet, cuddly baby is very nice sleeping next to you in bed, but a kicking toddler who grabs your face probably isn't so pleasant.
Isabelle slept through the night twice during her first two weeks of life, but after that, I started setting my alarm clock so that I could wake her up for feedings. We were (rightly) concerned about weight gain issues because of the nursing problems, so we couldn't let her sleep.
After the first two weeks, we stuck closely to the Babywise plan. Babywise suggests two possible approaches. You can choose your child's wake-up time every day, so that it's always the same, or you can start the EASY cycle as soon as the baby wakes up for the day, whether that's 6:30 or 8:00. For the early days, we chose the more relaxed plan over a strict schedule. I fed her every 2-4 hours and followed the EASY plan. She didn't eat at the exact same time every day. But at three weeks, she started sleeping through the night again! And this time, since the doctor was pleased that she was gaining weight sufficiently, we followed the advice of every mom out there: Never wake a sleeping baby!
I was concerned that I wasn't on a super strict schedule yet, so when a fellow Babywise friend called to check up on us (and bring us a meal!), I asked her opinion. She said that obviously, what were doing worked. If I felt the need to adjust to a firmer schedule, then do it, but that I was still applying the principles and they were clearly working.
I decided that I wanted the comfort of a set schedule, so that I could, for example, plan to meet a friend for lunch at 11:30 next week and know that it wouldn't interfere with nursing or naptime. I looked through my records of Isabelle's nursing schedule for the past week and noticed a pattern. Yes, I'm a nerd who diligently wrote down nursing times! New moms are so sleep deprived that they often don't remember when they fed their child last. In fact, the bag the hospital gave me included a place to record nursing times and the length of time spent per side. So I looked through my records and noticed that Isabelle was eating at roughly the same times every day and was sleeping from midnight to 5 or 6 in the morning every night. It seemed we were on a schedule without realizing it, but it was an Isabelle dictated schedule. I then began following this schedule closely, because I loved the predictability of knowing when she would eat again.
At this point, having a newborn became so easy. Yes, I just said that. It was amazing how wonderful you feel when you're getting 6 hours of straight sleep, instead of being broken up in 2 hour increments throughout the night. And knowing when she would need to eat enabled me to do important things (like take a shower!) because I knew how long she would sleep. I had no fear that she would start screaming while I was in the shower because I knew her routine. I should probably mention that she remained a slow eater and a sleepy eater, so it would often take 1 - 1 1/2 hours to feed her. Can you imagine?? I became very adept at nursing and reading at the same time. It was very hard to cook dinner though, because she either needed to eat when I should've been cooking, or I would cook dinner and not eat because it was time to nurse again. Fortunately, we were blessed with meals from church, meals from other friends, and freezer meals that my mom and I had prepared ahead of time. Isabelle was 8 weeks old before I ever cooked dinner for us.
It only became easier. At 2 months, Isabelle started sleeping 8-9 hours per night. At 4 months, she slept round the clock, 12-13 hours straight. I was concerned about how this would affect my milk supply, so I did what's called a dream feed. Around 10:30-11, before I went to sleep, I would nurse her as she slept and quietly put her back in her crib. At 18 months, she still sleeps for 12 hours straight.
When she got older, we started our day at the same time every day, 7:30. If she woke up at 7, I didn't get her out of her crib until 7:30. She didn't cry, but instead would babble to herself or play with her hands and feet. Now, she plays with toys in her crib until mommy comes to get her and occasionally calls out "MommyDaddyMommyDaddy!" If I don't come, she goes back to playing.
Our Biggest Sleep Problem
I would be remiss if I didn't mention one of the problems we encountered when Isabelle was tiny. Overall, Isabelle was a happy and content baby who rarely cried. Except when she had gas. We did have what would be called a colicky baby from time to time. Strangely, it would only hit about one night a week. Every other night, she was fine. Those nights were very tough, and we just had to survive with a crying baby who could not sleep, except by laying on us. So one night a week, we broke every rule of Babywise. I don't know how parents deal with that every night. We were so relieved when she finally outgrew it.
We Love It!
The bottom line is that we love Babywise. As a baby, Isabelle rarely cried. She was very content, and Babywise only enhanced that. Many people feel that scheduling a baby is terrible or awful because it's simply cruel to refuse to feed a child when he or she is hungry. I agree completely. With Babywise, I usually fed her before she had a chance to realize she was hungry. I would either feed her based on the clock or feed her based on her own cues. If I noticed she was sucking on her hands, then I checked the clock and would discover that I should've started feeding her 10 minutes ago. Relatives called her the "no cry baby," and we were repeatedly complimented on how content she was.
Another reason I love Babywise is because I nursed Isabelle. Many women, even stay-at-home moms, feel the need to stop nursing early because they feel tied down. Initially, this didn't bother me because I viewed it as a short term issue. I felt that it was worth it to be tied down and give my baby the gift of a healthy start in life. But I nursed my daughter for nearly 17 months. A week and a half after weaning her, I discovered I was pregnant again. So essentially, since early 2008 until early 2012, I will be either nursing or pregnant. Wow. Now I don't see it as a short term issue!
But what I did discover with nursing Isabelle and using Babywise is that, after 17 months of nursing, I didn't feel tied down. Once I'd spent my 6 weeks or so recovering from my c-section, I was able to go where I wanted to, when I wanted to, with or without the baby, because I knew her routine. I did Ladies Night Out with MOPS, started going to the gym when Isabelle was 10 weeks old, and went about my usual routine of Bible study, MOPS, and church during the week. Grocery shopping and running errands weren't much of an issue either. I also loved blowing a hole in the theory that only a bottle fed baby sleeps through the night early, or that you must give your child rice cereal early if you want him to sleep through the night. I didn't introduce solids until Isabelle was 6 1/2 months old.
Is Babywise for you?
Only you know the answer to that. Read it and see what you think. I love having my daughter on a schedule, but we firmly believe that we are not slaves to her schedule. We'll let her stay up late when family visits so that they can have more time with her or push her nap back to 2 so that she can go shopping with her grandmother. Babywise reiterates several times that the schedule serves you--you don't serve the schedule.
But a schedule is not for everyone. Damian and I have personalities that crave peace in our home, and we both love order. We also have lots of places that we like to go, and we knew a routine for the baby would actually give us the freedom to do the things we want to do. We believed firmly that we wanted Isabelle on a schedule, did not want her sleeping in our bed, and that we didn't want it to take 30 minutes to put the baby to bed, because these things are what's best for our family. But they're not what's best for everyone. There's a lot of freedom in the various decisions a mom must make about things like scheduling or cloth diapers, and there's not a one size fits all answer. I never want to make anyone feel guilty for doing things differently than me. Just like cloth diapering and making my own baby food do not make me a better mom than someone else, scheduling doesn't make us better parents either.
If you read Babywise and feel that it's too strict for you, check out Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. It's a much gentler approach to scheduling, and suited the nurturing side of my personality much better. After reading the Baby Whisperer, I felt it was OK to rock my daughter at bedtime. It's a part of our bedtime routine. I sing three songs to her while rocking and then put her to bed completely awake. She does the rest. When people read Babywise, sometimes they feel that it's never OK to rock your baby, which is a shame. I love snuggling with my baby girl in the glider at bedtime, but it's not necessary for her to go to sleep.
The principles given in Babywise helped us get off to a smooth start and prevented me from being as frazzled and sleep-deprived as I could've been. I look foreward to applying these ideas with Baby #2, but I also know that I can't expect the same results. Few children sleep through the night at 3 weeks. But most sleep through the night at 8-13 weeks if they're on a schedule, so at least I know that at some point, sleep will come for both of us.
Did you love or hate Babywise? I'd love to hear your experiences, positive or negative, or answer any questions you have about scheduling.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Take the potty training polls!
I posted two potty training polls on the left side of the page, directly beneath the pink welcome sign. You can vote for each of your children, if the program allows for it. I'm curious to see the wide range of what's normal, as well as the difference between little boys and little girls.
Thanks for all of your great advice on yesterday's Potty Training post. Your information and advice really has me re-thinking my original plan of waiting until after this baby comes to begin potty training. I'd still love any more tips you guys have. That's one thing I love about motherhood. None of us has it all figured out. Once we get it figured out, the child throws us for a loop again, because children are constantly changing. And no two children are the same, so what works for one won't always work for another. So I love learning from other moms. I'm constantly asking other moms how they do _____ (deal with picky eating, drop a feeding, train a child to clean, keep a child from throwing food, introduce solid foods, travel with a little one, keep up with the house, meal plan on a budget, etc.). My mom friends are much better information sources than any What to Expect book.
Your information and personal experiences are invaluable, so thanks for sharing!'
Thanks for all of your great advice on yesterday's Potty Training post. Your information and advice really has me re-thinking my original plan of waiting until after this baby comes to begin potty training. I'd still love any more tips you guys have. That's one thing I love about motherhood. None of us has it all figured out. Once we get it figured out, the child throws us for a loop again, because children are constantly changing. And no two children are the same, so what works for one won't always work for another. So I love learning from other moms. I'm constantly asking other moms how they do _____ (deal with picky eating, drop a feeding, train a child to clean, keep a child from throwing food, introduce solid foods, travel with a little one, keep up with the house, meal plan on a budget, etc.). My mom friends are much better information sources than any What to Expect book.
Your information and personal experiences are invaluable, so thanks for sharing!'
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Potty Training? I'd love any advice you've got!
I wasn't even 5 weeks pregnant with baby #2 when I was asked "So, are you going to have Isabelle potty trained before the new baby arrives?" At first I was taken aback by the question, but now I have to admit, it's a good question and I'm still mulling over it a bit. Evidently, having two children in diapers is a universal fear with moms.
Initially, I thought no, I would not like to potty train her beforehand. Having two kids in diapers doesn't bother me a bit. I'm a breastfeeding and cloth diapering mom, so a new baby is hardly an expense (unless you count the cost of all of my prenatal visits. Ugh!).
More importantly, Isabelle is only 18 months old, so it might take quite a while for her to do it if I start pushing her too early. I really don't want to spend my entire pregnancy potty training Isabelle. It seems that most parents successfully potty train in a matter of weeks, if not quicker. I don't want to drag it out for 6 months. I also don't want her to regress once baby #2 arrives. Then all of our effort would be in vain.
Her advice sounded familiar. In Toddlerwise, Ezzo and Bucknam suggest doing these exact same things, starting around 18 months of age. They also suggest putting the child on the potty anytime you notice them making a dirty diaper. The authors say that it's pretty easy to train them to do #2, since the child is more aware of it. Then when the child seems ready, you can have a few days of intensive potty training, and they walk the reader through those steps. Other friends have suggested this tactic as well, since they've seen the difficulties in waiting until later to introduce the potty, namely that a child has a stronger self-will at 2 or 2 1/2 and will often decide he or she will simply not use the potty.
I'd love to take an informal poll in the comments section of the blog. Please tell me how old your child was when he or she was successfully potty trained and/or how long it took to potty train him or her. I'd also love to hear any advice or tips you've got. Even if I wait another year to potty train, I'll have your suggestions here as a reference.
Here's my plan at this point, subject to change with the wind, since I'm female, and that's just how it goes. I think I'm going to introduce the idea of using the potty, but take it slowly. If I see signs of readiness, then we'll go with it. If not, we'll wait until after the baby gets here. After all, have you seen my To-Do list??? I'll have to share it on here one day. Maybe it'll motivate me to get these thing done before this little one arrives. 40 weeks will fly by. Nine down, thirty-one to go!
Friday, July 2, 2010
My Pal Violet
I meant to share this photo with you on yesterday's post. This was taken on our way to Houston for Father's Day. Isabelle is sharing her sippy cup of milk with her dog, Violet. It was really cute in the car, but not so cute today when she tried to share her sippy cup with our real dog, Darcy. I caught her giving it to Darcy, and Darcy happily licking the cup.
Violet, by the way, is one of the coolest children's toys. It was a Christmas gift from Damian's brother and his family, and Isabelle has just loved it. My Pal Violet and My Pal Scout are made by Leap Frog. Violet has a USB cable that you can connect to your computer to program the toy to say your child's name and some of his or her favorites, like her favorite food and color. It's one of my favorite toys too because Isabelle wakes up playing with it. I usually let her play with Violet for at least 10-20 minutes in the morning before I get her out of her crib.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
June Update
As a FamilyWe're all excited about having another baby in roughly 7 months, but we're cautious as well, since I'm just finishing up the second month of pregnancy. Isabelle doesn't understand it all yet, but if you ask her where's the baby, she'll come to my tummy and look for it. But then she goes to her daddy's tummy and anyone else's looking for a baby. She also picks up her dress to see if there's a baby in her tummy too.
In June, we've been able to see all of Isabelle's grandparents. Damian's parents visited us for a while at the beginning of the month and then we visited my dad and step-mom in Houston for Father's Day. My mom and step-dad came up to visit last weekend. We've had a great time getting to see everyone, and Isabelle has loved the attention and the company. She's always happy for more laps to sit in and more people to read to her.
From top to bottom: 1. Isabelle with Damian's dad, "Pawpaw," not wanting him to leave. 2. With my dad, "Coach" on Father's Day. 3. With Jerry, my step-dad, "Papa" last weekend. She loves being read to first thing in the morning, and he was happy to oblige.
Isabelle at 18 months
Isabelle is all over the place, exploring, playing, and "reading" anything she can. She loves books and music as much now as ever. She brings us books, signs "read" and says something that almost sounds like it, and then tries to climb into our laps to be read to. I hope she continues to love books as she gets older, since she has two bibliophiles for parents. Isabelle really enjoys dancing and had a great time walking around last weekend with her Uncle JJ's ipod touch. She carried it all over the house, dancing to the music. Isabelle sings all the time too, but most of the time we can't understand what she's saying.
Her word acquisition seemed to slow down once she started walking because there were so many other things to grab her attention. At the same time, she often surprises me at how fast she picks things up. She is still a pro at her animal sounds, so I've started working with her on phonics too. If she can tell me that a duck says "quack," why not teach her that A says ah and B says b? She's only learned a few sounds so far: A, B, C, and V. She picked up V on her own today while playing with a Leap Frog toy. I've tried working with her on her colors, but all she will do is repeat the word after I say it. She never remembers from moment to moment what the color actually is. She's just 18 months, but I know it doesn't hurt to expose her to concepts early.
My mom bought Isabelle a classic Cozy Coupe for Christmas last year, but we only recently decided to get it and put it together, because Isabelle wasn't quite ready for it yet. As soon as Damian pulled it out of the box, she was sitting in it, ready to go somewhere, even though it was still in pieces.
Darcy
Poor Darcy is still recovering from her surgery. Once her stitches were removed, we discovered that her wound had not healed properly. Evidently the type of tumor it was prevented the skin from adhering and closing, so the vet said she would have to heal from the inside out. That means she has continued to have a huge gaping wound on her shoulder, so he asked that we continue to keep her inside and in a shirt at all times. I nearly took a picture of her wound, but I decided to spare you. No one wants to see a hole in a dog's shoulder. Here she is sporting her preppy cableknit sweater.
Darcy has lost weight from her antibiotics and has her girlish, svelte figure back again. She's down to about 50 pounds, which is pretty light for a basset hound.
Gabby, personally
I'm still adjusting to morning sickness, because no two days are the same. I actually felt bad after my last post about morning sickness because so many of you called or e-mailed your concerns. I definitely wasn't trying to be overly dramatic or anything--I was just wanting to be real and let you know that my house is not always clean and that I struggle too when circumstances change and throw me for a loop. I really did appreciate your concerns and offers for meals. The past week has been so much better, but then today has been difficult again, so it is constantly changing. I've made dinner all week, although they've been very simple meals, and we've kept the house picked up. My mom was a huge help last weekend too.
Spiritually, I've been doing really well. I've enjoyed the Beth Moore study that started up last week at church, called Loving Well. I really love our small group and the discussions we've had. I think this study has been good for me. It's easy to get complacent and forget about the richness of God's mercy and love, but as I was doing the weekly assignment, I was so completely overwhelmed with God's goodness. If he never does another thing for me, He has already done it all on the cross. I've just finished reading John in my Bible, and that too has been a great reminder of the beauty of the Gospel.
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